Social Dynamics

Rating Women

2011-02-10T08:48:00.001-05:00

Some people don't think rating women's looks is useful, but I still think it's got merit. I used to like the "would do, and brag; would do and keep quite; wouldn't do even if you paid me" method, but it doesn't really communicate the quality you regard the woman in terms of looks, presentation, character, or whatever. Instead of ranking girls on a scale of 1 to 10, I came up with this today because I needed something more granular to compare this one chick a few of us at work know to some celebrities a coworker named for reference. I put the girl at a 6.5 and my coworker put Mila Kunis at a 10, but to me she's an 8 or 8.5. He figured that meant that the girl we were talking about wasn't that far off from what he'd consider a 10, but in reality she way less attractive--in my book a 6 is a huge difference from an 8. On to the new system....

On a scale of 1-100 the girl I know was a 68 and Kunis is an 88 IMO. Imagine those like school grades with anything under a 60 "failing" (to be attractive at all).

Kunis = B+
Girl I know = D+

I think this is a much better way to articulate how we perceive one's qualities than a simple 1-10 rating.

90-100 = A
80-89 = B
70-79 = C
60-69 = D
1-59 = F

Also, if they're on the low end of a letter grade give them a minus (-) and if they're on the high end of a grade give them a plus (+).

Quick tips for getting started

2010-08-19T19:26:00.002-04:00

I was asked today for some basic tips on how to get going in the community. Here's my short list of the best ways to get good without all the crap most guys get inundated with when starting out:

1. Stop reading, stop watching videos, and get out there and start approaching. 30 minutes a day is all it really takes, plus a few hours at a bar or club once a week. This translates to about 5-10 approaches a day, depending on how long you can keep things going with each woman you talk to. Only look stuff up online or read "PUA" forums when you get stuck or are having a problem diagnosing a sticking point.

2. Turn off your brain's verbal fliter and blurt out whatever it was you wanted to say, but are usually to self-conscious to say. Most of the stuff guys think, but don't say is great stuff and would be great cocky funny--and that's a good thing. Granted you'll still need to make sure the stuff you're saying is situationally acceptable. You can't just blurt out "Tits what?" in the middle of church, but if you're at a bar and mishear someone and it sounded like they said something about tits then go for it.

3. Push your boundaries. This kinda relates to the point above. Look at what you think your boundaries are, then take a giant step over that line. Guess what, you're still not even close. Take one more giant step past that line and you're starting to get close to where true boundaries reside. The point I'm trying to make is that you can usually get away with a lot more than most guys realize, and being bold, dominant, and aggressive is hugely attractive to women. They're far more likely to forgive a guy that moves too fast than a guy who doesn't make a move at all. In the former you might hear "whoa, slow down tiger!" and later on she'll be ready for that kind of stuff. In the latter case he gets the buddy hug at the end of the date, she tells her friend "He's nice, but there's no spark", and she calls up the first guy for a booty call.

In other words take risks. When you're learning YOU WANT TO GET BLOWN OUT!!!! That's the only way to really find out where the line is at. Once you've been going overboard like that then slowly ratchet things back. You'll become calibrated so much faster this way than slowly trying to push your boundaries inch by inch.

4. This point is going to reinforce #3.....YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. If you don't go for it now then the chance is probably lost forever. Also, YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN! Who cares if you blow it and she doesn't give you her number. There's more where she came from. Don't be a pussy, have some balls and just go for it!

Misconceptions Part 2

2010-07-25T01:30:00.002-04:00

Humans have been reproducing from the beginning. Evolutionary psychology and biology shows us how various behaviors generate attraction. Game is teaching men those causal relationships and how to trigger them. One of my favorite descriptions of Game is "Applied sociobiology".

I personally liken Game to being a highly focused version of public speaking. Imagine you’re giving a speech in front of a crowded room. That anxiety you feel, that stage fright, that’s what men feel when they approach women they find attractive. Talking to women is reallyjust another version of public speaking. Fortunately it’s something you can get better at.

By learning how to be a better communicator with women through learning Game men can be more themselves. In fact Game merely lets a man’s true self shine through instead of being the nervous mess women usually see when they get approached by average guys. Through practice and repetition the guys get used to that feeling of anxiety and it allows men to be fun, at ease, and more natural. Why anyone would have a problem with that is beyond me, don’t you agree?

Furthermore, to put it bluntly, I see a lot of anti-Game rhetoric based purely on misconceptions and feminist shaming attempts levied at those who support and utilize Game. Game itself is amoral. How it is applied is what matters. Some men use it with the goal in mind of having sex with as many women as they can whereas others use it for that special snowflake they’ve have a crush on for 6 years. (most men who get into this stuff are of the latter variety--and by a wide margin) In either case, regardless of what you think of the practicioner’s goals, there are two major benefits that transcends getting laid or getting into a relationship:

1. Game gives men control over how they spend their energy interacting with women.

2. Game gives men the tools to qualify women.

Until now you either had “it” or you didn’t, and if you didn’t you were lost in the deep end of the pool doing your best to stay afloat hoping, praying that it’s an attractive lifeguard that pulls you out.

Game is a coin with two sides. On one side it’s the training wheels, the pickup stuff people see on TV or the internet or read in books that comes off as weird and gamey. On the other side are the more meaningful lasting aspects (IMO) that gets mens’ heads straight and allows them to take the pussy down from the pedestal and builds character, strength, confidence, and teaches men that there’s more to women than the sum of their T&A.

Flake Avoidance

2010-03-23T21:06:00.003-04:00

First things first, are you seeding a reason to see them again later, or are you just leaving it handing with something like "lets hang out sometime"? One of the most common reasons women flake is because things are too fleeting. If you're talking, things are going well, etc., then don't leave. Ride things out as long as possible unless you feel yourself wearing out your welcome. The longer your conversation, the better your chances of getting her invested into you. Investment is what builds attraction and will cause them to want to see you again. Here's a few simple steps to make that happen that should do so in a way that cuts down your flake rate:

A) Always seed a date down the road. Do NOT leave it hanging with something non-specific.
B) Don't get her contact info right away if you can help it. Let it simmer after mentioning doing something.
C) When you close, do NOT ask for the number. Say some variation of "What's a good way of keeping in touch?" If she gives you her number, then great. If she gives you an email then take that as a sign you have more work to do. If she gives you her Facebook info then it's actually a good thing. Treat it like text game and work your way up from there.
D) When setting up the date down the road (which you seeded earlier in the interaction), ask when she's free in the next couple weeks. This will filter out the ones who will say they're too busy since women rarely know what they're doing every night for the next 2 weeks straight. If she really wants to go out with you she'll give up at least one night (or more) that she's available.

Around 10am the morning of the day you're supposed to meet send her the following:

"Hey, I've got a quick errand to run after work and will be 5-10 minutes late tonight. Is that cool?"

If she's sketchy and going to flake then she'll likely latch onto this to excuse herself from the date. This will significantly cut down on time you waste getting stood up.

Competition Anxiety

2010-03-01T12:23:00.002-05:00

One fear all women seem to have is that they might be traded in for a newer model or that if they split with their man he'll turn out better for it than they will. This is why showing her you can flirt, get attention from buxom nubile young things, etc is such a powerful thing for men. And if you have the willingness to walk it'll put them on best behavior. She'll hate you for having options, but she'll love you even more and for 3 reasons:

1. You're alpha and chicks would rather have part of an alpha than all of a beta (see also: Tiger Woods).

2. Prince Charming Theory. You have options and you chose her as the best of the best, so she's supremely validated by you picking her.

3. "Living well is the best revenge". Her knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that if she ever did leave you that she'd be easily replaced, and probably by a younger, hornier, better looking woman that it negates the smug satisfaction "he's a loser, he's nothing without me" blah blah blah that women would use to rationalize feeling better about a breakup. The realization it's no sweat off your ass and in fact she could be doing the man a huge favor, well, that's the nuclear bomb of psychological warfare on a woman's mind.

1 makes you in demand. 2 gives her validation and security. 3 gives her fear of loss and removes fear of loss from yourself (at least in her mind), so she'll be drawn to you because in her mind you have abundance and that goes back to the first point about being in demand. It also serves to keep her in check where most men fail.

How to argue with women

2010-01-26T19:43:00.000-05:00

You cannot reason with someone that is by definition unreasonable. Attempting to do so is an exercise in futility.

Now if she's just emotional then try steering her to your point of view. Naturally you cannot argue with someone that is angry, but you can calm them down. I learned this when I was married and won close to 100% of the time using this technique I developed. I probably should patent it or something, but oh well.

I understand blah blah blah :mirror their reasoning why they're mad:. How would you feel if.... :state your perception you want her to join your side on.

Women feel before they think. This is why they're emotionally grounded and men are logically grounded. Just different ways we think and associate with others. Women emote, men fix. It's a cliche for a reason. What you need to do is get her to "feel" things from you logical perspective. The next step is to diffuse her anger/displeasure by acknowledging it and then reinforcing the solution by relating it back to her as those it was her idea and she's already accepted it as the "fit".

Example of doing it wrong:

Woman: I just can't stand my friend. She does xyz that makes me so angry. Blah blah blah.
Man: If she makes you so mad then why don't you talk to her about it?

Example of doing it right:

Woman: I just can't stand my friend. She does xyz that makes me so angry. Blah blah blah.
Man: I understand she makes you upset because she did that, but how would you feel if she made you mad doing something similar and instead of her talking to you about it she just ragged on you to all your friends. You wouldn't appreciate it would you?
Woman: No, probably not.
Man: It's okay to be angry and it's perfectly natural. But like you said you wouldn't feel very good if she did this to you and would want to talk it out instead.
Woman: Yeah, I know. I should call her.

Club Dancing

2009-05-30T03:17:00.002-04:00

This was posted today by one of the guys in my local lair. Personally I wish I'd seen these years ago as I really suck and dancing to the point of being self conscious about it. If you've ever seen me dancing then you know I was pretty drunk that night because that's about the only way I'll get out on the dance floor. On to the videos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWOLVuQzCOs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHGgvoSYTgs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilvcOHRbX1k&

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87kZJu9FJOw&

Preempting Flakes

2009-05-29T23:20:00.003-04:00

I learned this trick this week from Phoenix of Enlightenment Dating. And it's not just for dating either. If you have friends that are regularly late or flake just tell them to text or call when they're on their way. That's when you know to actually get going. If they don't call then do something else. If they later show up and complain you're not there then remind them they were supposed to call/text. In a dating sense, if you're not sure she's going to flake or not just do the above. If you don't hear back from her then you know she's flaking. It beats going to a restaurant or something and watching the candle burn down wondering when/if they're going to show up.

Furthermore, something else I stumbled upon a while back when setting up a date/day2 is to give the person just enough info about when or what you've got in mind. The trick is to sell the event while leaving out enough information so that you have a reason to call the day of to finalize the details. This serves two purposes. A) it gives you a feel for if they'll flake based on their tonality and excitement level and B) leaving details out gives them less info to base their decisions on when weighing their options. There is less chance of them choosing something else over your plans if they don't know what your plans exactly are.

Dance floor is a trap because...

2009-05-18T10:31:00.003-04:00

The dance floor is a trap. It's a well known community axiom and for good reason. Girls sucker guys into gawking and grinding on them for validation and almost nobody gets laid from that. If you are an excellent dancer you can get some play from that, but for most guys it's just a big mistake. That being said, where dancing is clutch is once you've already met, THAT'S when you pull her to the dance floor for some down and dirty escalation. Trying to "get up on" some chick is full of fail as it leads nowhere. Some guys get makeouts from it, but it's fleeting and they almost never lead to anything else besides a quick spike of good feelings for the girl and, you guessed it, ego validation and for them it's mission accomplished.

This is why girls often say dancing "feels good". No, dancing is just dancing. They can do that in their living room. What feels good is all the attention they get from guys ogling them, and in a lot of cases the power they feel from getting to shoot down guys that approach. If dancing was such a wonderful experience they'd skip the club, drink way cheaper booze at home, and dance to the music of THEIR choosing at a place they're comfortable with, and in their pajamas.

In short, the dance floor is an ego trip in a bottle. Just stand back and watch what happens to the guys that do nothing but try to grind on girls and think that's "good game". It's pathetic how used they get and they don't even realize it.

Now here's the positive side. Dancing is a great BT spike for girls you pull onto the floor and you can quickly escalate. Yes, you can go up to compete strangers that are already dancing and get the pull, but it's actually quite difficult and rare. Plus you still need to run solid game to leave the venue with them. My preference is to meet women off the dance floor, get to know them a bit, and then dance. Just seems to work out a lot better that way and you don't waste as much time with random bar makeouts that lead nowhere.

Misconceptions

2009-03-16T14:18:00.003-04:00

Many people look at social dynamics, pickup, or whatever you want to call it as textbook manipulation. The fact couldn't be farther from the truth for most practicioners. It's all about presenting yourself in a positive light, or putting your best foot forward as some would call it. It boils down to good old-fashioned self-improvement.

If your people skills are lacking, learning how to improve them is not manipulation no matter what the naysayers would have you believe. It's simply learning a new skill set and improving your social skills thereby enhancing your options. That's not manipulation, that's nature with a nudge.

Rules of Winging

2009-03-05T15:40:00.003-05:00

1. A WING’S PRIMARY JOB IS TO GET HIS WING LAID

Occupy the obstacle(s) first and foremost.

If the wing can find a target, great. If not, that doesn't mean bail on the set, stay in and occupy the obstacle(s)!

An obstacle might be a guy. Again, occupy the obstacles first and foremost. Obviously the wing doesn't have to # close or k-close, but keep the obstacle occupied!

2. WHOEVER OPENS THE SET OWNS THE SET. OTHER WINGS DO NOT TRY TO TAKE HIS SPOTLIGHT

3. NEVER AMOG OR DLV YOUR WING

Once you and your wing have a rapport and understand each other a little busting will be normal, but keep it to a minimum when first interacting with a set, and none at all until you both have been winging a while.

4. WHEN YOUR WING ENTERS SET ALWAYS STOP YOUR CONVERSATION WITH GIRL AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR WING, GIVE HIM VALUE WHILE BRINGING HIM INTO THE INTERACTION

Exceptions are for when the wing who opened is “having a moment” with an HB. Wings should not even interrupt and instead should immediately occupy the obstacle(s).

5. SPEAK TO YOUR WING

When telling a story, tell the story to your wing even if he's heard it a million times.

i. Both of you should act like it's familiar but fresh. Don't just tell the story to the set and ignore the wing.

ii. Likewise, do not put your wing into the story in ways that will make him look like an idiot.

6. DO NOT KINO YOUR WING’S TARGET

When a wing enters, briefly kino your target when doing introductions. This signals him who my target is so he can occupy the other one. See #10

The entering wing should never touch the wing’s target unless she instigates it, such as extending her hand for a handshake.

7. 50/50 INTERACTION BETWEEN YOUR WINGS AND TARGETS (AFTER YOUR WING ENTERS DO NOT ONLY BE TALKING TO TARGET). THIS IS CALLED BEING "NORMAL"

8. DHV YOUR WING

At some point it is usually beneficial, especially in equal number sets of males & females, to switch targets.

i. When you switch off, your goal should be to build up your wing and brag about all his good qualities to his target. You can get away with a lot if it’s someone else that’s saying good things about you.

ii. Swap targets back and now you both have sky high value to your respective targets.

9. WHEN A WING DECIDES TO EJECT FROM THE SET, USUALLY ALL OTHER WINGS FOLLOW—UNLESS THEY ARE LOCKED IN/HAVE A CONNECTION WITH THEIR HB.

Your wings are more important. Never pick a target over your wing if it’s still early and neither of you have progressed well with the set. Cut your losses and continue winging for group success.

i. Bros before hos

10. NEVER FORCE YOUR WING TO DO SOMETHING COUNTER TO HIS CALIBRATION OR COMFORT LEVEL (SEE ALSO #1)

For example, never say 'hey tell her the one about that midget!'
If he does a palm reading on his target, don't say “Hey, now do that girl's palm!”
Everyone needs to run their own game as their calibration dictates, or else you're forcing your wing into dancing monkey mode or otherwise screwing his game up

11. ESCALATE AT A SIMILAR PACE

12. AVOID WING DEPENDENCY

You can pull from different sets. If you opened and one girl is a go, never mind your wing. Game her up, try to pull, and let your wing settle into another set.

i. This assumes the obstacle was placated.

If you blow a 2 set it's not because of your wing. It was your choice to use a wing as opposed to running the 2 set solo and trying for the 3some. Wings should not be used as a crutch or excuse.

13. STAY OUT OF IT

It's ok to come in briefly to spike BT, but if all the girls in a set are being occupied (1, 2 or larger sets), stay the fuck away.

If your wing has his girl isolated, there is no reason for you to be sitting there listening in. Especially if he's about to get a # or bounce.

Likewise, if your 2 wings are running game on a 2 set, you have no place entering that set except to briefly spike BT, or to momentarily indicate logistics to wings

14. HAVE A SYSTEM

Have a system to indicate your target to your wing

Have a system for bringing wings into set

Have a system for waving off wings from entering a set

15. ISOLATE!!!

After a wing comes in, don't keep trying to hold court. Isolate/mini-isolate your target and let your wing game the rest of the set.

i. If you keep down the same entertainer thread, your wing winds up standing there like a chump.

16. EXAMPLES

The Assumed Social Circle

i. Wing: Hey [PUA1], what's up man! [High five each other and he brings me in with an accomplishment intro]

Wing: So how do you guys all know each other?

HBs: Oh, we just met him.

[Now this is the diabolical part]

Wing: Really? Wow. The way you all got along I thought you all were old friends. Seems like [PUA1] knows everyone in town. [BT Spike and accomplishment “intro” back for PUA1] He’s a very cool guy….he’s like the real life… Van Wilder….of [local area]. See that…now you’re all…officially part of…the cool crowd.

[They take it all in and the set fluffs for a moment]

Wing: So how do *you* guys know each other, how long have *you* guys been friends? [This is a double bind and decent hoop, but after giving them some value in the accomplishment intro for PUA1 they usually respond, jump through the hoop, and it hooks the set. Now you're off to the races and can look at isolating.]

1. Poof! Even if PUA1 that opened the set hasn't hooked yet, just all these fun assumptions and giving value cinches the set and causes it to hook.

a. It's seems weird, but it's always worked for us so long as the wing that opens has gotten to the name exchange. Too soon and it highlights that we’re all still strangers. That’s the risk with this style of winging.

The Camille Update

i. Sometimes wings will keep gaming a set because they think they are helping out the other guy, but neither wing actually really wants to stay in that set. The following system can help communicate without blowing up the set, wrecking the room, or otherwise getting yourselves into trouble. Note: Select the girl’s name before entering the set.

ii. A way to bounce both you and your wing out of the set if things are going poorly is with: “Hey, want go look for Camille?” to which the wing may say:

1. “Not yet, let's wait a minute.” (meaning stay in set and let me game some more)

2. “Yeah, let's go look for her.” (meaning, yeah I'm done with this set too)

iii. If a wing is doing fine with his girl, but you notice your HB is married or otherwise not going to go over well, you may want to eject. Instead of saying “Hey dude. My girl is married so I'm bailing.” You stay and code him with, “I'm gonna go look for Camille. Her husband is looking for her. But you stay here...”

1. Notice the keyword of “husband”, which is the signal she’s married and is why he wants to bounce.

2. See also Rule #10

Basic Structure For A Wing’s Entry

i. Signal for the wing to join or

ii. Wing come in when he sees the lead needs it

iii. So, why not a high five? This way

1. The lead goes in and opens

2. He starts building attraction

3. Either they're hooked, or he needs help, so he goes for a high five

4. Wing enters. ("So, who's the troublemaker?")

5. Target identified

6. Wing DHVs the lead to the target

7. Wing starts to distract obstacles

Have you seen Sarah / Michelle?

i. Wing (PUA2) approaches his wing who has already opened and casually asks the following:

“Hey man have u seen Sarah/Michelle?”

ii. PUA 1 who opened the set has two choices:

1. “Yea man she was over there…”

2. “No man. Hey, meet these girls, they’re cool, but I’m not sure about her… (indicating his target)

3. If you say you saw her “over there”, it means you are not ready for the wing to enter. If he says “Meet these girls”, he needs you to wing him and should bring you into the set with an accomplishment intro of his own for you.

When PUAs Annoy

2009-02-24T22:56:00.001-05:00

Here is a very simple method for getting rid of guys that try hitting on your girlfriend, wife, or date when you're with them:

"Hey man, where's your girlfriend tonight?"
Or
"Hey man, I bet your girlfriend is a total hottie, right?"

He has two choices:

A) He's a loser and doesn't have one
B) He says he's got a gf

If A... To your girl, "Oh, oh! We should set him up with one of your friends!" To the guy, "Here, give me your number and I'll give you a call sometime. We can double date! ... Cool. It was nice meeting you." (take the girl by the hand and walk away)

If B... "Ha! Check this guy out. He's a pimp. He's got his gf at home while he's out here spitting game. Play on playa!" (take the girl by the hand and walk away)

Text Game

2009-02-23T22:09:00.005-05:00

I've been really going nuts with text game lately putting a lot of effort into getting it down. Here are my rules thumb I've developed thus far:

Ground Rules:

Keep it light, fun, & flirty

Slowly go sexual

Seed the D2

Don't drag text convos on for too long.

Don't expect a reply. Send it out and go about your daily activities.

Always be the one to end it, having her text last.

My current SOP:

1) Be memorable
Do something ballsy on the spot when getting the number. Shortly after I get a number I'll text her something cocky funny such as "OMG! Who is that sexy guy you're talking to?! Quick, get his number before he leaves!"

2) Reopen
When following up in a day or 2 I first send a quick fun non-sequitor to get a fun & flirty vibe established. Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

I think I'm pregnant.
I'm out hunting dinosaurs. What are you doing?
KABOOM! POW!
The canary is back in the cage. We're meeting Red at six.
Did you do that that thing at the place? I'm still waiting for the gift.
Pull out. Eagle 2 is back.
Aliens are coming to abduct all the good looking sexy ass people! You will be safe, I'm just texting to say goodbye.
Why'd you have to give your mom my phone number…? She won't quit calling me now…
I miss you & want to see you, but this dumb security guard won't let me in the zoo. Is there any way you can escape?
I just met your twin. – She’s just like you, she won’t stop grabbing my ass / asking me out
I'm naked...quit day-dreaming!
You know what I love about you? I feel so smart when I'm around you
What's cuter, a pony the size of a kitten, or a kitten the size of a pony?
If I was a pickup artist, you'd so be mine!
I can’t sleep. Stop snoring so loud
Is that you right now in my tree again? The neighbors are going to call the cops on you, and I’m not bailing you out this time. I warned you about this type of behavior!
I'm going to lure girls back to my house with candy. Do you prefer skittles or M&Ms?
Gorgeous, funny, charming, and lovable... Well enough about me, how are you doing?
Hey, remember how I’m psychic? Clean out those dirty thoughts of me in your head, I’m with my family…
Stop undressing me with your eyes.
I have a question hon. Can you handle an honest compliment? – Good, so can I. You go first
I was just at the beach and I saw a fish. It reminded me of you

FYI, the lines came from this thread:
http://www.stylelife.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=55995

3) Follow up
Take their answer or reply and send back something funny and don't be afraid to bust on them a bit. However, you need to snip & stack to get things moving forward quickly, otherwise the vibe may stall.

4) Logistics
Seed the D2 or follow-up plans if we already time-bridged.

5) Pacing
Generally speaking I try to take as long as they do to reply. If it takes them an hour or two to reply, then I do the same. It's a good way of matching interest levels and not coming across as needy. The goal is to convey the subtext of always being busy without saying you are. Just make them wait. Never text back immediately even if you aren't busy. Wait about 10 minutes anyway. If they are taking longer then that to respond, again, wait the amount of time they took (within reason) to respond. All that being said, you may need to answer back quickly in the beginning if THEY ARE REPLYING QUICKLY. If they take the slow boat then you should too.

6) Know when to stop
If they text more and more and start trying to have a conversation then just call. Too much is lost in texting. At least with a phone call you can be quick, hear the tone and pacing of their voice, etc. Finish up what needs to be said and get off the damn thing.

Attraction

2009-02-16T13:17:00.006-05:00

Attraction is the very thing nice guys the world over don't understand. They feel that by becoming friends first, getting to know the hotties, then think they can build a relationship. Naturally as soon as they make a move they get the "lets just be friends" speech, or some iteration thereof. There's a reason for this: the women aren't attracted.

Attraction isn't a choice, as the saying goes. And without attraction if you get comfortable with women you end up "just friends", and as many guys know that usually involves being sexually frustrated if you're attracted to the women in this stereotypically situation. How do you fix that? The answer is simple: build attraction first. I know what you're thinking, "But you just said attraction isn't a choice, so how I get her attracted?" That my friends is the "secret" I'm focusing on today.

Attraction comes in a couple varieties, namely the deep emotional attraction that makes women love and the light and fleeting attraction of buying temperature spikes. Both are required to get women attracted and interested.

BT spiking is critical for getting quick compliance and being fun. The goal is a feeling if elation and will make women (temporarily) want you to stay. This is also bad in a sense because you can become dancing monkey if you don't move things foward.

The traditional attraction switches espoused by being "alpha" are what will keep women over the long run.

For the ladies...

2009-02-05T21:58:00.012-05:00

Here's my short short version of relationship management for the women out there. If you really want a simple outline to follow for keeping your man happy and not stray:

Stay sexy. Don't let yourself go because "you're comfortable". It's a copout and a weak excuse for laziness.
Get your knees dirty. If you're satisfying your man at home then he won't have any reason to stray in order to have his *needs* fulfilled. It's that simple. And following Step 1 ensures he'll want to keep having sex with you.
Stop acting like a man. Emasculating your man through things like trying to take charge, belittling him, etc are all big turnoffs for most guys. Sure, there are some who are into that dom-submis fetish thing, but most guys aren't. And do you know what's a sub-category of that type of behavior? Nagging. No guy I've ever met enjoyed it. If you want us to shut down and start looking elsewhere then by all means nag nag nag.

That's it ladies, that's all there is to it. If you follow those 3 simple steps you'll find relationship bliss. Men will bend over backwards to please you night and day if you do the above. And if you're one of the stereotypical women that sits at home all day watching TV, this definitely applies to you. Trust me when I say this, because your man is thinking these very same things, but he's afraid to say them. I'll take the flak so they don't have to. Follow the above and it'll save you a ton of money on the therapists (or worst case: lawyers). All you have to do is put down the bon-bons, turn off Oprah or Judge Judy, have sex regularly-as in about once a day, and get your jiggly butts in the gym.

The fact of the matter is a LOT of the guys out there that are thinking the same things to an extent, but are just afraid to say it. That's partly why so many relationships fail. People are so caught up in being PC they can't speak their mind. Couple that with our culture where males have been programmed to think their own wants and needs should come second to their woman's and you're going to have problems.

The only way relationships can go the distances is if both parties are satisfied. Once upon a time that was the case. Granted it was usually the women putting in the work to make that happen, but with the advent of feminism women have shirked off that traditional role and it's now every person for themselves.

Until we strike a balance, both genders are going to suffer in the long term relationship department. What's worse is how western culture only holds that woman should be the ones satisfied, even if it comes at the expense of the man's well being. It's like some warped and misguided form of gender reparations.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinion and you're more than welcome to support the kind of paradigm we're currently socialized with, but don't think for a second everyone else is going to go along with it. There are plenty of guys out there like myself who aren't going stand for it. The reason for this: I'm actually for equality and mutual satisfaction. And I have the statistics to back it up. In fact, I contend it's the status quo that's frakked up right now. And if anyone wants to debate me, first just take a look at those divorce rates.

Give this a listen to, particularly the advice given around the 17 minute mark:
http://www.myprops.org/content/Are-You-That-Guy/

UPDATE:
Even CNN is even getting in on the action. They have 9 steps to keeping a relationship going:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/25/h.keep.marriage.healthy/index.html

Notice points 1, 3, and 4. Sound familiar? They should. I just told you to do the same in a more succinct way.

Coming Soon: Attraction, Comfort, and moving in between

2009-02-04T01:00:00.004-05:00

I've been out in the field getting things worked out for myself. I've also started teaching workships in the DC/Metro region for the under 21 crowd and community newbies. Once I get some free time I'll collect my thoughts and get them posted. Until then I'll leave you with this nugget of wisdom:

Don't hold back. If you think a woman is sexy, then say so! Don't be afraid to get physical and dominate. At worst you do or say something and she walks off; at best she playfully swats you and it's on like Donkey Kong. Either way you're no worse off than if you were timid Mr Nice Guy to begin with that most definitely wasn't generating attraction anyway.

Inner-game 101

2008-11-26T15:23:00.004-05:00

Cutting Through The Bullshit

Introduction
Inner-game is a combination of high self-esteem and self-confidence. Because of this you are internally validated. This drives men to not be needy or wussy and to go after what they want in life. This is what's under the hood when it comes to being "alpha".

And here's the problem I see with the community: guys can learn to *emulate* alpha characteristics without developing the inner qualities that actually make men *be* alpha cool guys to begin with. Sure, there are some things guys can go out of the box to improve themselves, like good posture, vocalization, etc. However, the deep core beliefs need to change, and that doesn't happen by *acting* like an alpha male with social savvy.

"Fake it till you make it."

Ultimately faking it is a short-term fix to a long-term problem and many guys forget that enhancing the other aspects of their lives is necessary and start thinking that being good with women will somehow change their entire life around. Unfortunately for them life doesn't work that way. Later on when they're pulling women, the women eventually sniff out they're a fake and lose attraction. Now don't get me wrong, that's great if you're just up for ONS or STRs as you're out the door so quick they're never the wiser. However, if you ever want to really develop yourself as a person you need to get to get off your ass and do things that will give you the life experience to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and give you reason to be self-assure. Going out "sarging" 4 nights a week won't do this no matter now you slice it. Sure you may have a confidence boost from nailing bar sluts a couple nights a week, but that's only going to take you so far.

Now don't get me wrong. Nobody is saying time in the field is meaningless. I'm saying that it's only one facet of what makes someone the total package. A lot of guys get in the community and think the secret to getting women is spending time in field and trying to develop alpha qualities and whatnot. The truth of the matter is that being proficient with women is only part of what makes someone alpha and if you have the other aspects of your life squared away ONLY THEN should you focus exclusively on developing your skill with women.

Furthermore, simply telling yourself (affirmations, hypnosis, etc) or thinking to yourself (meditation) that you're some great guy creates a delusion that you're something better or more than what you really are. It's ultimately a false belief that is shakable and leaves one vulnerable to self-doubt. Instead of lying to yourself and constantly trying to force the belief that you're a cool alpha guy, what I'm suggesting is that guys get out into the world and live life and do things that will cultivate true alpha qualities; to develop your personality in ways that pickup never can. Get in the gym, go play paintball, go camping, travel, do things that are interesting and give you perspective on life. It sounds kinda campy, but basically you need to go out and do "manly" things.

On a personal level I think it's great if guys can get something from affirmations, meditation, hypnosis, etc. I've never had much use for that sort of thing. I used to do the positive affirmations and get positive feedback from friends & family when I was younger, but it actually made things worse because I didn't feel as though I deserved the praise. Now I've come to realize that praise (including self-praise such as that from affirmations) without qualification is just blowing smoke up your ass. This is why I don't buy into a lot of new-agey stuff trumpeted around the community. Based on my life experience I'm much more open to praise backed on practical reasons such as palpable success and results. They have a much more solid impact on my mentality and expectations. Don't get me wrong, if that stuff works for you then more power to you, but it's just not for me. The way I look at it actions (and results) speak far louder than words. Furthermore, words without action are a meaningless waste of time.

What it all comes down to is you have to live life and do things that will turn you into an actual alpha male, whereas most guys fake being one, both to others and to themselves. The benefit of true inner-game is that having your head together automatically takes care of a large swath of the outer-game elements guys are currently spending so much time on in the community. This is going to be the new vanguard of pickup, a true "menaissance" if you will.

Becoming Alpha

From wikipedia:

Self-esteem:
In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth.
Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent/incompetent") and emotions (for example, triumph/despair, pride/shame). Behavior may reflect self-esteem (for example, assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution).

Self-confidence:
The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc., sometimes manifested excessively

Signs of self-confidence:
- A pleasant demeanor
- A cheerful outlook on life
- Satisfaction with one's personal life

There are ways to improve both self-confidence and self-esteem. Looking at my own levels of both I've recognized I'm pretty far along in my development process to having true inner-game. My revelation that made me understand all of this, at least as I currently see things, is the moment I realized I'm a badass worthy dude that's a smashing success. For example, I've accomplished all but two of my life's goals. I'm not perfect, but I'm happy with my success and what I've accomplished in life. That realization is the sort of stuff that bolsters self-confidence and self-esteem. Success in the field can have a similar effect, but it's limited to only making one happy with one aspect of their life, which is to say they're pleased with their skill with women. That's only one piece of the puzzle though and still leaves room for a lot of development.

Goals
My first step in developing true inner-game is to create life goals. Create both short, medium, and long term goals. They can be related to pickup, but they should cover the entire spectrum of your life: women, finances, heath, etc.

The second step is to develop an roadmap and timeframe for how and when you'd like to meet those goals. Focus on the short term goals first starting with the easiest and ending with the most difficult. Rinse and repeat with the medium and long term goals. Now put the list away for a while and move on to the next step.

Character
The third step in developing true inner-game is to do something interesting and fun outside of trying to meet your above goals. Ideally these activities are something that will require conviction and/or courage to complete. My example above was paintball as it has danger and pain elements that are a barrier to entry for many. If that applies to you then something like paintball would be good because getting over those hangups builds character.

Perspective
The fourth step requires a bit of an investment, but it's something I strongly advocate: Travel. You don't have to go to Asia, but going on a trip out of state is a good start. Go camping, go skiing, go somewhere and just get a room at a hotel and meet people in a far away place for a few days. Get to know them and see how life is subtly different there. Learn to appreciate what's special about where you do live and see if you can bring back something from your travels that will enhance your life in some way. Again, this builds character.

Getting Physical
The fifth step is where you get your hands dirty. The cool thing is that by doing something physical like playing football, doing martial arts, or simply working out is you'll always get an immediate reward from doing it, which is exercise. Even if your long term goal is to lose 50lbs then your immediately getting the gratification of working towards your goal. Plus you'll feel better from the exercise.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to build synergy by structuring the phases and steps in a particular way. By getting in shape, guess what that also builds? You guessed it...Character.

Conclusion

I really feel for most of the guys out there who don't have the life experience to see things for what they are. Sadly most guys won't understand where I'm coming from until years from now. Only after they life life will they realize that just telling yourself you're a badass will only take you so far. Furhtermore, trying to devleop your inner-game through such techniques are a fruitless endeavor as such beliefs are shakeable and ultimately fleeting. And this is the critical aspect so many people miss: a "belief" and "knowledge" are completely different things, so make sure you NEVER confuse the two.

If you *know* you're a badass, because you've done badass things, then you usually don't have to tell yourself shit because you know you are the man. If you constantly tell yourself you're a badass and eventually believe it, really, you're just deluding yourself and that delusion can crack under pressure. Knowledge isn't so flimsy.

Final thoughts
To be blunt about it, a lot of guys in the community are lacking manliness. Get out of the house, do shit, have a life. Do that and the pieces of "game" that you're trying to fix will fall into place largely on their own. Having live life to the extreme the inane crap most guys fret about, like worrying about what some HB might think about their approach, can't affect me because of those real life experiences. This has greatly influence my take on inner-game, which goes like this:

Be strong like steel not by telling yourself to be strong, but by being tempered in the fires of life.

Pedestals are bad, mmmkay

2008-11-18T02:15:00.005-05:00

I've been answer the question lately why guys have a tendency to put women up on a pedestal. For those that don't know what that means, it's generally treating women like a delicate flower, a princess if you will, and involves lots and lots of supplication and generally wussy behavior that typically turns the woman off.

Why men tend to do this is really simple. The short version of why guys do this is comes down to a few simple reasons:

A) Social programming. From the time we're little kids girls are given a free pass for lots of stuff because "girls are made from sugar and spice and all things nice", we're taught they're "the fairer sex", never hit a woman, open doors, pay for dates, blah blah blah.

B) We're wired to value looks so if a woman is attractive we assign value to them from the get-go. This tends to raise their value in respect to our own as males and by default the guys think they're lower value and automatically the woman is looked up to from a value perspective.

C) It's taboo to think women are just as horny as guys and have as much sex (really it's way more than guys), and that they can do no wrong sexually as all are sweet, innocent, virginal princesses.

All in all, treat women no differently than you'd treat your friends. They're human and just as cool as everyone else in your life. No better. No worse. Think of women from that perspective instead of looking up to them on the pedestal you place them and you'll find you have much better relationships because of it.

The Secret of Alpha: Comfort and Being Unaffected

2008-11-05T16:23:00.009-05:00

Learning pickup is not the magic bullet many people think it is. Far too often I see guys get into the community with the hopes of learning some secret lines that will make women's panties drop. Sorry guys, but that's not how things work. When meeting and attracting beautiful women all the lines in the world will do you no good if you aren't comfortable in your own skin. When most guys approach women they do so like a chump. The qualities they evoke often put women off even from across the room and by the time the man finally makes his approach he's nervous, has poor body language, etc. We all know the drill because we've all been there at one time. The reason this puts women off is because it makes them uncomfortable, not because they're being approached but because YOU are uncomfortable. You read that right: YOUR comfort levels directly impact the emotional state of the women you hit on. Once you understand this, and can subcommunicate your own comfort, then women will be very receptive to you interacting with them.

Generally speaking, there are two stages of social interaction when you're out at a club or bar. The first stage is where value is displayed. Because female value is largely physical, it's plain as day if they are high value or not. Men are not that lucky. We have to show we have value to trade by how we carry ourselves, dress, and interact with others. The second stage is where men and women subtly exchange value, if a trade will take place at all. And this is what most people seem to miss out on. You cannot trade value if the woman doesn't recognize the value you have to offer. You'll come off as a valueless chump that just wants to get into her panties. To break from this dynamic you have to subcommunicate your value as a man. How you do that is beyond the scope of this posting, so for now lets just focus on the approach.

If a man walks up to a beautiful woman who gets hit on all the time, he's already got his work cut out for him. She's probably been hit on thousands of times and is used to the vast majority being AFCs with weak game. So before you can even begin to exchange value you have to demonstrate you have value to begin with. This starts from the moment you walk into the venue. You should walk in looking confident, self assure, and having a good time. Smiling is an immensely useful tool everyone has in their toolbox, so USE IT!

When you do make an approach, if you are nervous and feeling awkward then the woman will pick up on that and feel it as well. It doesn't matter what stage or phase you're in. If you get nervous she'll pick up on it and you risk her souring to the interaction. I never understood what it was like for women until I finally crossed the threshhold into not being affected by external sources, such as a woman's physical beauty. What happens now when I'm with an HB is her comfort level will often mirror mine and vice versa. What's also new is that women sometimes turn into the AFC I once was. And this is key: when she's nervous like most AFCs are when they approach I can feel her discomfort, the sudden stiffness of their body, darting eyes, increased breath rate, looking uncomfortable, etc. This isn't because she doesn't like you, it's because she does like you and you just flipped the script into her being the AFC! This is why why being comfortable and chill when you interact with women is so important and why not being affected is so critical. If you get spooked when she goes into AFC mode you'll likely lose her. You need to remain unaffected and essentially let her borrow some of your chill vibe so she can mellow out again. It's all about comfort, not being affected (by her beauty or emotional state), and demonstrating that you are solid as a rock and won't freak out on her.

Stop Living In Fear

2008-10-24T11:43:00.001-04:00

After a thread I commented on over at RSD about amogging, I've come to realize that for a lot of guys in the community it really comes down to fear that's driving this ideal to live in your own reality. If you can't succeed in life and the world around you, make up a new one in your head! /sarcasm That's the gist of what I'm getting around community, and for me that's not a good thing. Delusional is a form of crazy, and for good reason. Don't get me wrong. I'll all for a healthy dose of reframing, but flatly ignoring reality serves no useful purpose unless you're so scared of reality that you need to live in your own. If that shakes people up because they've been swallowing this "live in your own reality" psychobabble then so be it.

I'm a pragmatic realist. I want results based on what is attainable for me and in the world in which I live. It's analogous to martial arts and how people think what they're fed in their McDojo is what it's like in the real world. These MA's often swallow their instructor's teachings as absolute truth, and don't really explore what's true for themselves. In the end they often find they can't fight their way out of a paper bag when the shit hits the fan, and I've seen this true of the pickup community as well. I find people get into a particular school of thought, dismiss all others as being incorrect (for whatever reason), and live in this little bubble of reframes, hero worship, and blind devotion. I started along that path and recognized the cult-like status some figures in the community evoke.

Again,it's similar to the mentality martial artists get into with "my art is better than your art". The truth is that it's all about the individual. I feel lucky coming from a JKD background as I've been able to apply my 14 years of training philosophy to my training in social dynamics. I've found what works for me, and sadly the approach I see many guys taking isn't the best course of action, especially when it leads to accepting a guru's advice simply because that person is looked up to. I suggest people get out, try things for themselves, and live their lives.

Bottom line: check yourself.

Do Women Approach Men?

2008-08-16T11:57:00.007-04:00

I've written about this before on some of the community forums and figured I'd toss up this nugget of wisdom here as well.

To put it bluntly, women that approach men are more often that not LSE, UGs, and/or Cougars. The truly high value females don't approach men all that often. They don't need to. They have pick of the litter, know it, and just screen for the best of the bunch. High quality women get approached all the damn time, upwards of 10-15 times a day if they go out dressed to the 9s.

Women tell me it's a pretty simple process: They know they're hot, guys want them, and just filter out the losers from there. Furthermore, they know that if a guy doesn't approach them that it usually means he's not in the high quality crowd (read: AFC). It's a pretty economical process for them, so why upset the balance by going after guys? Yes, some women certainly do approach guys on a rare occasion (like if they're drunk), but that's not a normal behavior you'll see from high value women (approaching, not being drunk).

All in all women chasing guys is pretty damn rare in our society. What it all boils down to is that high quality women know they're the prize and behave as such. High quality women don't chase. This is why flipping the script is such a powerful thing and works so well on them.

And a note about cougars. I don't want to conflate cougars with the notties. Some older women are smoking hot HBs in their own right and are just confident and comfortable with themselves and buck the social norms by actively pursuing sex. I'm all for that. However, it doesn't change the fact that most of the women who actively pursue men are of the lesser value in the sense of what men rate women for--namely the ability to produce healthy and attractive offspring as indicated by youth, facial symmetry, hip to waist ratio, etc.

Inner Game -- Value

2008-08-13T22:28:00.010-04:00

I caught some recent episodes of Pickup Podcast on value and holy crap this is foundation level stuff here people. Listen to these episodes and internalize them. Once you do your game, and your life, will be changed forever. AJ and Jordan hit a grand slam with these. If you're really interested in the self-improvement side of social dynamics do yourself a favor and listen to these ASAP!

Pickup Podcast

Just scroll down until you find them. If they roll off that page as they add more podcasts either go back a couple pages or check out these individual links in the blog:

Value Part 1

Value Part 2

Value Part 3

Sadly you need to create an account in order to check out the blog pages. The first one I posted above though is public and you can listen to them from there. The benefit of logging into the site and going into the blog page itself is because from there you can actually download the episodes and take them with you. Granted you can do the same thing from iTunes for free as well.

Like they say at the start of most episodes, check out the first 5 or 10 episodes they did to get a good foundation and feel for how they operate, and so you get the context of what they're always talking about.

To give you a quick primer, what they discuss is how men can be rated on a value scale just as men often do with women. However, what we're judging ourselves on is vastly different from when women are rated. Women we typically value by their looks due to youth and reproductive value. Men on the other hand are valued on their behavior and status.

Using the same 6-10 scale we use to rate women, men break down into typically one of the following categories, although your value can fluctuate at any given time:

9 and 10 - Truly high value guys. Pretty much the epitomy of what we all strive for. Gives value freely, isn't affected by others, and still recognizes he isn't perfect and constantly searches to improve himself. The only real difference between 9s and 10s is that 9s think they're 10s and 10s think they're 9s. It's a subtle difference and comes down to being humble and realizing you don't know it all and can still learn and thing or two about yourself.

8 - Competitive. Can float one up or one down and has pretty decent inner game, but still has his insecurities. If a 7 AMOGs him hard he may resort to AMOGging instead of trying to raise others' value and in effect raising his own. If he sees someone higher value he may recognize it and join the higher value guy at that level if he realizes competing with that person won't do anything.

7 - Combative. Basically douchebags and AMOGs; have some value but as soon as they're threatened they try to bring everyone else down to under their level. If other 7s back down those 7s become 6s. If the other 7 doesn't back down you get your classic bar fight. Often has poor body language, or overcompensates both with body language and aggressiveness and is the bold obnoxious types of people wish would just leave the room.

6 - Supplicative, validation seeking, qualifying wussy. Basically this is where most men fall and are your classic AFCs. Also, they usually have poor body language and pecks all the damn time.

What I took away from all this:

Now I can gauge myself and if I catch myself doing low value things I can fix those behaviors. Over time I've already stopped doing certain things entirely.

You really do choose you're own value. It's really that simple. You just have train yourself to believe you're a 10 and everything will start falling into place on it's own.

Giving value to others raises your own. It's counter-intuitive, but think about the AMOG situation. Some guy busts on you for whatever reason. You don't get reactive. It doesn't even register you're so far beyond that low value behavior. Instead you bring up his value. When you do that your value goes up as everyone gauges your behavior against what else is going on at any given time. By not reacting negatively and raising others up, you become the star of the show.

"Quality Time" for LTRs

2008-08-11T21:19:00.001-04:00

TV Time, Game Time....it's the same story.

Seems like a lot of married guys, myself included, eventually fall into a similar rut with the wives feeling they don't spend enough time together. A big problem is an unequal view of TV and Game time:

To the woman when they watch TV they're not spending quality time together. To the man sitting there watching TV or playing a game does count as quality time. Part of it is a communication breakdown in what the other expects from the activity, but I think a lot of it comes down to the betaization of guys in long-term relationships (but that's another topic all together). Apparently this is a common situation couples face with the wife not feeling that "togetherness". In some cases they end up cheating, largely because of the betaization of the males in those relationships (again, that's another topic all together).

An example of this dichotomy is when the man watches something the woman isn't interested in and she wanders off or does something to keep herself entertained while still in the same room as the husband and TV. To the guy, he's there, she's there, so it's all good. To the woman she's doing something by herself, despite the proximity. When the woman watches a show the man isn't interested in he typically gets into trouble if he wanders off or does something that takes his attention away because she calls him out on his lack of attention. It goes back to what she felt when she lost interest--that you're basically doing two totally different things, despite the close physical proximity. This goes back to the situation where the wife's perception deems TV time NOT spending time together if she's bored.

The double standard I'm highlighting here is where the betaization subtext kicks in. If you want an activity to count as "quality time" you have to demand her attention, even if she doesn't like whatever it is you're doing. The flip side of this is also true when she wants to watch something you could do without.

You have to set the ground rules for TV and computer/game time for what is and is not "quality time". And you have to stand up for your beliefs. If you don't you'll lose respect and attraction and over time that can have a hand in ending the relationship as TV time and game time is huge in our culture when it comes to what couples do together. Because of this you have to get this aspect of the relationship locked down before it leads to problems down the road.

SOIs, Kino, & Escaping the Friend-Zone

2008-07-18T10:22:00.005-04:00

This is commonly given advice for guys who have that special friend they want to get romantic with. One critical thing to remember before even attempting this is that if you fail then you probably won't be friends very much longer. That being said, here are some things you can do to get out of the friend-zone:

Put some separation between you and your female friend. Let things cool for a week or three. This helps cool her perception of you as Mr Nice Guy.
Preselection. Take her out as a wing so that she can see you have attractive qualities. Furthermore, this gives you the opportunity to build a jealously plotline, which is by far one of the best ways to get a woman to realize she's attracted to a man.
Kino, kino, kino. When you hang out again after the break you'll need to break her frame of mind that you're her gal-pal and shoulder to cry on. Kino and preselection are huge aspects of cracking that perception.
Statement of Interest/Intent (SOI). By tossing out an SOI you're subtly letting her know you're not interested in just being friends. A common SOI is saying something about her is "sexy". Could be a giggle, her golden glow, whatever works for you. The goal is to drop the neutrality between you and turn up the heat, so to speak.

While it is certainly possible to get out of the friend-zone, as I mentioned before, doing so can be problematic and risky. If you screw it up, or she just isn't interested, then you probably won't be friends for much longer. Chalk it up to creepiness, trust, and awkwardness issues. See my Nice Guy postings for more info.

And a note about kino: If you're not getting physical, sexually, by the 3rd or 4th date you're at risk of landing in the friend-zone. Doubly so if a woman has lots of options. You have got to get physical (kino) as soon as possible.

A) It shows you're comfortable touching other people, namely women
B) Without a level of physical contact shifting into intimacy will be awkward at best.

How many of you have had a great conversation with a woman where you really connect, but then she's like, "well, I gotta get going" and you feel like a tool for not kissing her? Or worse, you do try to go in for the kiss and it's awkward as hell? That's because you didn't amp up the kino during the course of the interaction. Touch is primarily what gets people to connect.

For more info on how to kino properly I strongly suggest reading Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. It's freely available online as a pdf and is one of the best primers I've seen yet when it comes to kino. Once you get a little more advanced you've got to check out what David Shade has to offer. Absolutely top-notch stuff.

Competence vs. Confidence

2008-07-17T23:55:00.001-04:00

To quote Neil Strauss:

Quote:

The two biggest clichés of dating advice are: Just Be Yourself and Be Confident.
That’s a load of bullshit: You shouldn’t be yourself, you should be your best self.
As for being confident, it’s impossible to just be confident because someone tells you to. This is impossible without success. Success breeds confidence. So you need to learn to have success...
Here’s pickup broken down to its most basic formula: Be interesting and interested... be confident and competent.

Something Mystery once said still sticks with me that really brings to light that having confidence isn't everything. When it comes down to it which would you prefer to have: confidence or competence....when riding a motorcycle. As you can see confidence alone can get you killed if you don't know what you're doing. Competence can get you from point A to point B safely and on time. That is why competence wins out over confidence any day of the week in my book and it applies just the same to relationships and social interaction as it does with riding a bike.

Boyfriend Objections

2008-07-17T23:27:00.010-04:00

Boyfriend Objections are the automatic responses women throw out if you telegraph too much interest or move too fast. Sometimes the boyfriend is real, other times they are not. As a rule of thumb treat the bf objection as a shit test. Basically when that happens it's just a test to see if you've got the stones to keep pushing. If he's real, she will definitely bring it up again and you can adjust your game accordingly, or stop gaming her and shift into making a pivot/pawn. If not, then you've just won points for being alpha enough to not let other men in her life bother you.

Simple ways of passing this test is to dismiss her comment, shift into a BT spike, or misinterpret her intent. Here are a few examples:

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: That's cute.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Me too! I taught mine to do back flips. What did you teach yours?
Her: Uh, nothing?
You: Bah! You're a terrible trainer.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Geez lady, I've known you all of 30 seconds and you're already telling me your life's problems.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Whoa! Slow down there missy. You don't have to impress me with how "in demand" you are. I can decide for myself if you're interesting enough to date.

When you toss out one of this responses immediately move on to another subject. Poof! No more talk of a boyfriend. However, expect another mention later on if he is in fact real. Dealing with that however is another thing altogether.

Memorize a few and just keep them in the back of your mind for the next time a woman mentions a boyfriend in conversation.

And remember, "women are like monkeys." When I say women are like monkeys it's in the Tarzan sense of swinging from tree to tree. They don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. Women are the same way with boyfriends & relationships. That's essentially Rule #1 why high quality women are so rarely single for any length of time.

Not wanting to go after a woman in a relationship, IMO, really comes down to being a limiting belief. Case in point: 50-60% of marriages fail in this country. Simple bf/gf relationships fail even more. Since women are rarely single for any length of time that means they're typically going directly from one man to the next. Once you face this reality then you can use it to your advantage. What it comes right down to, in all honesty, is that if boyfriends mattered so much women wouldn't give their numbers out to some certain types of men and tell others they're seeing someone (or in some cases turn out to be married!). Many women are on the lookout for the next best thing for a variety of reasons. If you're not that guy then someone else will be, and I see no reason why that guy can't by YOU!

To quote Decibel, a highly regarded member of the social arts community:

Make girls happy, that's your job. Take that girl out of her unhappy relationship and show her a better time. She'll thank you for it. She's not going to break up with her current BF for many reasons including: girls like sex and won't give it up needlessly; girls like having someone to hang out with and will overlook other problems in him but are constantly watching for better options; breaking up takes a bunch of emotional effort that many people avoid until something else is lined up.

I personally would get yourself past the boyfriend/girlfriend hurdle and keep gaming these 'unavailable' girls. It many times is just a fling that's gone on too long, and many of these chicks are more than happy to jump ship when a [high quality] guy...comes along.

....

You can't "steal" a girl, as ballsy as it sounds. She makes her mind up to go with the higher value man. All you can do is present a better option.

As far the ethics of it, there aren't any. All girls are fair game. You make your own rules about what's off limits, and then go from there. I hit on girls in front of their BFs all the time. I usually ask her if it's ok for me to do it. It's his problem, not mine.

Bottom line, there is no reason to wait or hold back from pursuing a woman you're interested in.

Prince Charming Theory

2008-07-16T19:11:00.000-04:00

Women are raised from a young age to think relationships and their romantic life will be like a Disney cartoon. From the time they're little girls they expect Prince Charming will come along at some point and sweep them off their feet. Well, the world doesn't work that way. That being said, there's no reason you can't be a woman's Prince Charming. However, you must first understand that who he truly was isn't what most people would expect. The truth is actually something that goes against the grain of most Disneyesque ideals of romantic love and chivalry.

The Prince Charming Theory is a combination of essentially two factors:

Preselection - An evolutionary shortcut, or tool, humans developed to determine from afar if a person is high value. If others look upon someone favorably we are typically draw to them and/or wonder what makes them valuable. In females this wonder sparks preliminary attraction. The effect of preselection, like having women crawling all over you, makes it a hell of a lot easier to open up other women later on. In some cases women will begin to open you!

Perceived Value - This is when a high value male chooses a woman. The effect this has on women is at the heart of the Prince Charming Theory: When a high value male with lots of choice regarding sexual/relationship partners chooses a particular woman then she is perceived as the female with the most value of any of those he could choose from. This makes a woman feel special and has the benefit of making her value, cherish, and respect the relationship so much more than if she merely chose the man. This is intrinsically different from the traditional paradigm of women choosing men and is why women will often chase a man, or otherwise tolerate abuse or otherwise bad treatment, by men that seem disinterested or that have 3 other women on speed dial.

I don't generally agree with Disneyesque ideals of romance, or any relationship advice given by mainstream media as it's usually terrible and chock full of social programming. But when it comes to Prince Charming, he was the ultimate version of what men should strive to be if they want control over their relationships and want women to chase him. He was preselected, had options, and he chose the women he wished to interact with. Furthermore, those women who he chose felt special because he chose them. That's the secret sauce of Prince Charming Theory.

When you reach that point it's important to note that qualifying women is integral to keeping them. If not, they will have worthiness issues.

Routines or not?

2008-07-16T01:20:00.000-04:00

To everyone that says they don't use routines.....

Bullshit. Everyone uses routines, even pure naturals. If you even say "Hi, my name is ____." on a regular basis, guess what, that's a routine. If you tell a story about something that happened in your life, that's a routine. Basically routines are nothing more than a bit of banter or storytelling you use fairly regularly when you interact socially. Period. Sure, some are 100% fabricated or stolen from others, like what happens when people join the community for a while, but most come from your life. Ideally any routines you use should be natural and true to your own life, but that doesn't make them less worthy or fake at all. Even if you run "natural" game you're still using routines whether or not you realize it or not. That's actually where you want to be, when something is so fluent that you don't even realize it's "in the can" so to speak.

One thing I've been seeing is people will conflate using routines with structured game. Whether or not you run structured or unstructured game, aka "natural game", doesn't matter. Both styles of pickup use routines.

Naturals often say something to the effect "Just go direct and say "Hi". That's what I do and it works fine for me. Nobody needs those silly routines you fakers use." Well, that direct opener of walking up and saying "Hi" is a routine. It may not feel like one to the natural because he didn't consciously invent it to be used as an opener, and so for him it just flows naturally, but no matter how you slice it it's still a routine.

You could argue that structured game uses both organic AND structured banter & routines whereas "natural game" is all organic, but to say they don't use routines at all isn't true one bit.

Nice Guys Part 3

2008-07-16T00:19:00.000-04:00

Saw this posted on one of the community forums. It's a great example of why men with choice are attractive to women and ties in nicely with my Prince Charming Theory (coming soon).

***********************************************************************************

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?

Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last

Learning: Rules of Thumb

2008-07-15T14:26:00.004-04:00

The path to learning, as we all know, can have pitfalls, bursts of insight, and other changes in pace or barriers to enlightenment. When learning the structure, theories, and concepts of social dynamics, pickup, or whatever you want to call it, one of the biggest things to watch out for when you're first starting out is trying to learn everything all at once before getting out into the field and experiencing things for yourself. There are many reasons for this, but those don't really matter. What's important is to realize that doing so can actually harm your progression. Sadly it's pretty common to get information overload. My advice for those experiencing this or wish to avoid it is to work on things in smaller bites. For example, if you're trying to juggle all of the information you're being exposed to and master it as you go, it's not really an achievable goal. Instead, trying to stick with focusing on a couple of things until you've internalized those aspects and they start happening automatically for you. Then add some new bits to your repertoire and rinse & repeat. What happens now for me is that I'll be talking and I'll just notice things and when that happens I either react autonomously, or I'll have to think up something on the fly to respond appropriately instead of how I would have in the past.

There is a Friedrich Nietzsche quote that comes to mind:

Quote:

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.

In other words even if you don't get the girl you haven't failed, you just learned something new is all.

In the community there's an unwritten rule that says don't ever think of a lost set as failing. Instead, think of it as a learning opportunity. It's a pretty basic reframe of the situation so that you can look at it from a different perspective and learn something from the encounter. And when you reflect on the situation, don't focus on the negatives too much because mentally replaying the situation will train your mind to repeat what you did wrong. Instead, focus on what you did right, as well as what you'll do differently next time. That doesn't mean what you change will be any better of course, but you don't fall into the trap of repeating past mistakes. Bottom line: Focus on changing the bad and repeating the good.

On a related note, here is some rules of thumb by DMC87:

1) Choosing a method and sticking to it.

If you are anything like me I would read all the methods, all the forums and take on-board all the advice. The problem was it caused a never ending loop of information overload. I had a head full of advice often completely contradictory and I'd always be working on trying a new idea out everyweek when I was still having trouble opening and getting attraction completely.

2) Get a stack

Seriously you need a good stack that would complete the attraction stage, again this is regardless of method. Create an MM or GTG stack because it alleviates 90% of approach anxiety when you know what you're doing, all I have to do is say Yo, what's up! and I'm in. It also helps you sort out where mistakes are and contingencies. Even if you are natural have something like "Hi, my name is..."

3) Know how to handle contingencies and interrupts.

I roll with two naturals and an MM gamer and none of them can handle interrupts of shit tests well. They can lose the set because of this and it's very silly. The best resource for this I find to be GTG book because it is just all there and relevant.

4) Expand your comfort zone.

I started going out in-field in June 07, I spent the first 9 months opening and ejecting, and I needed to, my comfort zone was so small that it made me feel good just to talk to a woman back then. I also dramatically changed my look in that time. Realise that if you aren't pushing yourself you won't get results but if you push yourself a little even if it takes a full year, you will grow.

5) Have set days

You need to set days or times to go out when you are not allowed to stay home. These are sarge night, no excuses, no I feel tired or out of state. These are full on hardcore 90% of time in set nights and you don't take AFC friends who you'll end up talking to all night.

6) Self-correct and evaluate.

Never getting past attraction? Why? Read the appropriate resource, study it, seriously make notes on it. It's amazing what you will miss on a simple read through. Always work out why attraction died, or comfort failed. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, but make sure that it's not on your part. This is best done in FR's or when you get home. NOT THE NEXT DAY

7) Don't overbrowse resources

Once you've picked your resource don't read every technique or forum because you'll get sucked into other peoples thinking style and question what you are doing. Remember once you get your basic game down you can start adding in new pieces.

Expect a period of failing before you get good.

http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5823&sid=6dcd4a18aa714d461f34f8911df4924f

Plowing, kino, and BT spikes

2008-07-13T22:34:00.001-04:00

These are all you really need for one night stands and/or same night lays.

Plowing through shit tests, however you manage, is pretty damn important. Act as though nothing matters, be unaffected if things don't work out. And push past YOUR limits. Most times I'm out and things falter it's my fault because I held back, and after a year in the community I've found it's a pretty common problem. Our success AND failures are usually a result of our own self-imposed limits. Chalk it up to being timid and a mix of social programming I guess. That said, it doesn't really matter where this stems from because it's time to change.

Kino is HUGE when it comes to building attraction and a sexual vibe. Check out Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. I highly recommend it, plus it's free online. That being said, it's really not all that important to follow the ladder specifically if you're after a quick romp in the sack. Just plow and throw around some dominant kino. This is the secret ingredient of naturals the world over. They don't moderate themselves when they get touchy with women, which is something women usually repsond favorably to from an emotionally and sexual standpoint.

Lastly, BT spikes. Cocky/Funny is clutch. Be bold, both with words and your kino. Check out Decibel's PUA Field Guide (link is on the right). In it there will be a section on ONS/SNL and the related kino needed to make them happen.

Plowing past your normal limiting beliefs or how far you're willing to push things is what we need to do if we want to see changes. Rarely I've found people go too far naturally on their own, unless of course they're calibrating or drunk. Again, BE BOLD! Push your sets as far as you can, usually way beyond what you'd normally be comfortable with. If things blow up in your face a bunch of times that's when you can dial it back a bit. Not too much, just a bit. Rinse, repeat. That's the fastest way to get calibrated that I've found.

Nice Guys Part 2

2008-06-05T15:49:00.001-04:00

Found this on the pickuppodcast.com forums:

This is a repost off the myspace dating forums.

This girl is a really cute 18 year old girl from dallas. Holy shit she is super honest and spot on. Guys, this will blow your minds if you haven't realized this already.

Not to mention that a year ago this wouldn't resonate so much with me......

Cute Girl says:

I like nice guys; that's not the problem. I just met you and you are telling me how much you want to date me and asking for my phone number and I am probably not ready. You just come on too strong and too fast. You come across as desperate by telling me how special and beautiful I am, you tell me you LOVE ME SOOO MUCH, that you will always treat me right, how I'm the one you have always been looking for, how good you will treat me, and all that rubbish.

I'd rather a guy try to get into my pants. If only you would just give me a little time and space, but NOOO you have to LOVE me. So I choose the good looking bad boys. You can slap their face and they just smile. At least with the bad boys, if and when I decide I'm not interested, they don't give a hoot. I'm not going to hurt them.

Like most girls, I’m a companionate person; I don’t wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don’t want to date you anymore, you are going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in your face, your expression, and body language. You try to get me back, you mope and complain, you point out all the things you have given me, and tell me how badly I’m treating you, or maybe even talk about suicide.

I don't want to deal with any of that crap, let alone most of it. If you give me the slightest indication you are going to be that way, that's it; I'm not having anything to do with. If you act like that, I don’t think you are a nice guys at all, I think you are a selfish clingy bastard posing as nice guys just to get me, the girl. You don’t care about me; if you did, you would be happy for me when I wanted to go because that would be what I wanted. But, no you are selfish and want me to stay and love you even though that is not what I want.

When you want to go bowling with one of your guy friends and he tells you he has a date and can’t go, you would like for him to go but you don’t get miffed or get your feelings hurt. It's hard for me to tell you what you don't want to hear when I know you are so enthused and you will be SOOO disappointed. If you would give me the same considerations you give your guy friends and not be offended and get your feeling hurt, I might go out with you.

The "Nice Guy"---and Why He's Not Nice

2008-05-18T01:59:00.001-04:00

The "Nice Guy"---and Why He's Not Nice
By Dropit

"Nice," as used in the community, is way different than "nice" as used by women.

When the community uses the term, it is a perjorative. But since to most people it's enjoys a positive connotation, I thought a little more definition would be helpful

The "nice" guy likes a girl. He starts by befriending the girl and denying any romantic interest (he figures: I'll prove I like her as a person, not just a romantic interest), secretly taking note of what she likes, and then giving the "perfect" gift along with a confession of his love.

Poor girl! She thought she had a friend, but now she finds out he was just acting the whole time. Alternatively, she is uncomfortably surprised from this lightning bolt out of a seemingly clear blue sky, and is worried about how to save the friendship without hooking up with the guy, perhaps adding to the rejection the caveat, "You're such a nice guy."

Eventually, she lets him down as easy as she knows how (remember, this is a good, kind girl here), and this guy wonders what he did wrong. He certainly didn't do anything mean; his ears perked up when he heard her complain about guys, and steadfastly worked to avoid doing those things. He figures he's being nice.

The problem is that these guys have a sort of male version of going for committment too fast. A relationship is a 50-50 venture, but he's gone 90-10, and he's basically trying to pressure her into liking him, claiming (or at least implying) that she "owes" him for all he's done for her. He is trying to force her into liking him, she senses the trap, and she splits.

Then she meets another guy. She regards him as moderately attractive (maybe even LESS attractive than the nice guy), and she figures he'd be worth a date. So they go out, and it's clear that they're on the same page---he had an open Friday night, so, hey, he called her up. Turns out he has a rough edge or two, but nobody has to be perfect. He calls her up for a second date, and again, it's clear to both that this is just a date. She hasn't put that much effort into it, but neither has he. At least he isn't trying to lasso her with guilt.

So when our self-proclaimed "nice" guy meets this new guy and sees that he's not working as hard as the "nice" guy did, yet she's dating HIM, he thinks: "What? I worked so hard for her! I did everything I could! I even watched her favorite show so I could find something to talk about! What's wrong? Why is she dating that jerk?"

The so-called "jerk" isn't really a jerk; he simply isn't as fawning as the "nice" guy. But the labels have been assigned in his head, and so comes the saying, "Nice guys finish last."

http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=65889

Older guys gaming younger hotties

2008-05-17T08:42:00.000-04:00

When the subject of age comes up, and the man is fairly older than the woman, there are tons of ways to handle it. One common method in the community is to reframe it or whatever, which is all well and good. What I'm discussing here is a little different. If I think a girl is younger, or the subject comes up like it did the other night, I try to guide the conversation to a topic only the younger crowd would typically comment on. For example, I asked the group how they all knew each other and they said high school, and I knew they were early to mid 20s, so I cracked "So, what, like 6 weeks ago?" They pipe up and qualify that they're not that young (all are 24). What I've noticed is that when gaming younger ones, by "shit testing" them first about their age it preempts them from doing it to me and making an issue out of it. When they do ask, I make them guess and if they're close I reframe it with "Quick, someone get this girl a job at the carnival!" and it's never mentioned again.

The point I'm trying to drive home here is to guide the conversation to something you can bust on them for being so young, but by doing it in an obviously over-the-top way so they know you're playing. If you've ran strong Attraction game (A2 in the M3 model) they'll usually start qualifying themselves, which is why I've included this as a waypoint to see if they're ready for Qualification (A3).

Another tip when guiding the conversation like this is to not let them steal the frame back or lead the conversation until you're ready. Going with the high school example, don't let them tell you when they graduated. Say "No, don't tell me, let me guess.....6 weeks ago?" (or 2 years ago, whichever works for you) this way you can get the jab in and force the conversational thread in the direction you want it to go, which is to get them qualifying.

Girl code for "he's got game"

2008-05-17T08:36:00.001-04:00

As a general rule of thumb whenever a woman says [often to her girlfriends] "he's not usually my type, but..." it's usually got something to do with him not being as good looking, or having a different style, or maybe not being as tall as what she usually pulls.

The key info to take away from this is that the guy had pretty decent game and overcame the woman's stumbling blocks (read: usual preferences). Again, it all goes back to subtext.

Subtext

2008-04-20T15:55:00.001-04:00

I like to tell new guys to imagine all men and women have a split personality. One mind is logical and the other is emotional. If I had to guess, I'd say on average women have a 35/65 split and men the opposite. The behavior of humans is largely driven by a blend of logic and emotion. Since emotions play more heavily with women you can influence their behavior through, you guessed it, appealing to their emotional mind. The way you do this is through subtext. Subtext is an emotional undercurrent to our physical and spoken communications. Because women are generally more in tune with their emotions, by extension they pick up on subtext much more than men. Body language, tonality and inflection, and also the context of the messages we convey all have subtext whether we know it or not. Understanding the subtext and recognizing the emotions you instill in a woman is a critical aspect of male-female communications. A typical example of this that a woman doesn't even have to like a man in order to sleep with him. In fact she could logically despise him, but that doesn't mean a thing if he conveys good subtext and creates the proper emotions within the woman that generates attraction. To outsiders this often creates cognitive dissonance because at the surface it doesn't make logical sense. She didn't like him, in fact she's repulsed by him, but yet she's sleeping with him anyway. Most people will think she's messed up in the head, but once you consider the impact of emotions and subtext in the genders it all starts to become clear.

A real world example is a woman I once dated. I called her high maintenance while playing cards at a friend's house. That situation is exactly what I'm talking about. To her friends at the table me calling her "high maintenance" sounded like an insult. Heck, even to her logical mind it may have seemed like one. But to her emotional mind it spiked an emotion, conveyed some good subtext, and she felt attraction towards me. It's hard to articulate all of the subtext in the situation because the context had several layers to it, but the common association in the community is what most would call cocky/funny, per David DeAngelo. While I agree with that to a point, that's not all it boils down to.

On the flip side, women constantly try to use subtext with men and we often miss their cues. A classic example is the woman at a party or lounge who is trying to get a guy come talk to her. She purpsoely gives off IOIs and in her mind she feels like she's being so obvious that the other women in the room will think she's a slut. To the guy in question he usually ends up thinking "Does that mean she likes me? Should I go over and talk to her?" or something along those lines. If the guy doesn't read the signs properly then the woman can feel rejected. This actually happens pretty often and isn't exclusive to the singles scene and younger generations. Again, understanding subtext is important not only for single guys, but for married men as well. Reading and writing subtext, so to speak, is a huge part of communicating with women. Sadly most men are oblivious to it. On the other hand, here's a case I think most guys do recognize:

Man: "What's wrong?"
Woman: "Nothing."

That's a lot of subtext for just one word. So much so that most men can actually pick up on it.

Another example most of us have dealt with at one point or another:

Man: "How are you feeling?"
Woman: "Fine."

She's basically saying the same thing as above through identical subtext.

Community Resources

2008-04-19T23:56:00.001-04:00

I've added some links to community related blogs, which I will be updating as I find them. Most are crap, or turn into crap, but there are some real gems out there. Not surprisingly most of the quality ones are written by some of the top members of the community.

I've also added links to what I consider some key community websites. I strongly recommend joining these as a lot of my edification came from these places in one form or another, so don't underestimate their value.

In addition to the blogs and forums I also added what I consider two of the top indispensable member generated resources, pickup podcast and Decibel's PUA field guide. Absolutely awesome free advice and tips for all levels of skill in the social arts:

Reading List

2008-04-19T23:32:00.001-04:00

A lot of guys wonder if the theories and ideas relating to female and evolutionary psychology in the community have any real scientific grounding. They'll be happy to know that much of it comes from the following books which have mountains of research data backing them up. Some of those books include "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine M.D., “Sperm Wars” by Robin Baker, “The Red Queen” by Matt Ridley, “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkins, “The Mating Mind” by Geoffrey Miller, “The Evolution of Desire” by David M. Buss, and "Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. Simply reading those will give you an incredible depth of knowledge and understanding of the female mind.

I understand that it's a pretty hefty reading list just to learn how to meet women, so two shortcuts I recommend checking out are Magic Bullets by the guys over at Lovesystems.com and the Venusian Arts Handbook at venusianarts.com. Both ebooks are well worth the time and money not only from the base understanding of the female mind, but because they also go a long way to providing a complete package for meeting and attracting women (and yes, even getting some booty).

For a little inspiration of what's possible you absolutely have to check out "The Game" by Neil Strauss. He is virtually single handedly responsible for making the community as widespread as it is today.

Get going on that reading and start putting it to good use.

Introductions

2008-04-18T23:56:00.000-04:00

Hello world! A quick bit about myself. I'm your typical 31 year old guy. I'm married, I have a 5 year old boy, and a decent job.

Okay, that's all you get for now because we're not here to talk about me. On to brass tacks: I've got a ton of useless knowledge rattling around upstairs and this blog came to fruition because it's time I start giving back to the community. Plus I need to make some room for new info and something had to go. The result and sole purpose of this blog is to help others like I've been helped in the past in regards to meeting women.

I've been exchanging advice for the better part of a year on various forums and I'm at a point now where I'm comfortable giving others advice based on my experience and education in the social arts. Some people call us pickup artists, venusian artists, etc, but I just like to think of it as being sociable. If you're a cool and outgoing guy and you happen to know a few tricks to keep a conversation going in a fun and interesting way, the women will happen naturally. However, it's easier said than done. And how we're going to get to that point is best left for another time. For now, I just wanted to open the doors and get the ball rolling.

If you have questions you'd like to see answered, by all means contact me and I'll try and respond. If you see a point of view I didn't touch on in one of my [future] posts, or I just screw something up , by all means let me know.

Have fun and be safe!