I've written about this before on some of the community forums and figured I'd toss up this nugget of wisdom here as well.
To put it bluntly, women that approach men are more often that not LSE, UGs, and/or Cougars. The truly high value females don't approach men all that often. They don't need to. They have pick of the litter, know it, and just screen for the best of the bunch. High quality women get approached all the damn time, upwards of 10-15 times a day if they go out dressed to the 9s.
Women tell me it's a pretty simple process: They know they're hot, guys want them, and just filter out the losers from there. Furthermore, they know that if a guy doesn't approach them that it usually means he's not in the high quality crowd (read: AFC). It's a pretty economical process for them, so why upset the balance by going after guys? Yes, some women certainly do approach guys on a rare occasion (like if they're drunk), but that's not a normal behavior you'll see from high value women (approaching, not being drunk).
All in all women chasing guys is pretty damn rare in our society. What it all boils down to is that high quality women know they're the prize and behave as such. High quality women don't chase. This is why flipping the script is such a powerful thing and works so well on them.
And a note about cougars. I don't want to conflate cougars with the notties. Some older women are smoking hot HBs in their own right and are just confident and comfortable with themselves and buck the social norms by actively pursuing sex. I'm all for that. However, it doesn't change the fact that most of the women who actively pursue men are of the lesser value in the sense of what men rate women for--namely the ability to produce healthy and attractive offspring as indicated by youth, facial symmetry, hip to waist ratio, etc.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Inner Game -- Value
I caught some recent episodes of Pickup Podcast on value and holy crap this is foundation level stuff here people. Listen to these episodes and internalize them. Once you do your game, and your life, will be changed forever. AJ and Jordan hit a grand slam with these. If you're really interested in the self-improvement side of social dynamics do yourself a favor and listen to these ASAP!
Pickup Podcast
Just scroll down until you find them. If they roll off that page as they add more podcasts either go back a couple pages or check out these individual links in the blog:
Value Part 1
Value Part 2
Value Part 3
Sadly you need to create an account in order to check out the blog pages. The first one I posted above though is public and you can listen to them from there. The benefit of logging into the site and going into the blog page itself is because from there you can actually download the episodes and take them with you. Granted you can do the same thing from iTunes for free as well.
Like they say at the start of most episodes, check out the first 5 or 10 episodes they did to get a good foundation and feel for how they operate, and so you get the context of what they're always talking about.
To give you a quick primer, what they discuss is how men can be rated on a value scale just as men often do with women. However, what we're judging ourselves on is vastly different from when women are rated. Women we typically value by their looks due to youth and reproductive value. Men on the other hand are valued on their behavior and status.
Using the same 6-10 scale we use to rate women, men break down into typically one of the following categories, although your value can fluctuate at any given time:
9 and 10 - Truly high value guys. Pretty much the epitomy of what we all strive for. Gives value freely, isn't affected by others, and still recognizes he isn't perfect and constantly searches to improve himself. The only real difference between 9s and 10s is that 9s think they're 10s and 10s think they're 9s. It's a subtle difference and comes down to being humble and realizing you don't know it all and can still learn and thing or two about yourself.
8 - Competitive. Can float one up or one down and has pretty decent inner game, but still has his insecurities. If a 7 AMOGs him hard he may resort to AMOGging instead of trying to raise others' value and in effect raising his own. If he sees someone higher value he may recognize it and join the higher value guy at that level if he realizes competing with that person won't do anything.
7 - Combative. Basically douchebags and AMOGs; have some value but as soon as they're threatened they try to bring everyone else down to under their level. If other 7s back down those 7s become 6s. If the other 7 doesn't back down you get your classic bar fight. Often has poor body language, or overcompensates both with body language and aggressiveness and is the bold obnoxious types of people wish would just leave the room.
6 - Supplicative, validation seeking, qualifying wussy. Basically this is where most men fall and are your classic AFCs. Also, they usually have poor body language and pecks all the damn time.
What I took away from all this:
Pickup Podcast
Just scroll down until you find them. If they roll off that page as they add more podcasts either go back a couple pages or check out these individual links in the blog:
Value Part 1
Value Part 2
Value Part 3
Sadly you need to create an account in order to check out the blog pages. The first one I posted above though is public and you can listen to them from there. The benefit of logging into the site and going into the blog page itself is because from there you can actually download the episodes and take them with you. Granted you can do the same thing from iTunes for free as well.
Like they say at the start of most episodes, check out the first 5 or 10 episodes they did to get a good foundation and feel for how they operate, and so you get the context of what they're always talking about.
To give you a quick primer, what they discuss is how men can be rated on a value scale just as men often do with women. However, what we're judging ourselves on is vastly different from when women are rated. Women we typically value by their looks due to youth and reproductive value. Men on the other hand are valued on their behavior and status.
Using the same 6-10 scale we use to rate women, men break down into typically one of the following categories, although your value can fluctuate at any given time:
9 and 10 - Truly high value guys. Pretty much the epitomy of what we all strive for. Gives value freely, isn't affected by others, and still recognizes he isn't perfect and constantly searches to improve himself. The only real difference between 9s and 10s is that 9s think they're 10s and 10s think they're 9s. It's a subtle difference and comes down to being humble and realizing you don't know it all and can still learn and thing or two about yourself.
8 - Competitive. Can float one up or one down and has pretty decent inner game, but still has his insecurities. If a 7 AMOGs him hard he may resort to AMOGging instead of trying to raise others' value and in effect raising his own. If he sees someone higher value he may recognize it and join the higher value guy at that level if he realizes competing with that person won't do anything.
7 - Combative. Basically douchebags and AMOGs; have some value but as soon as they're threatened they try to bring everyone else down to under their level. If other 7s back down those 7s become 6s. If the other 7 doesn't back down you get your classic bar fight. Often has poor body language, or overcompensates both with body language and aggressiveness and is the bold obnoxious types of people wish would just leave the room.
6 - Supplicative, validation seeking, qualifying wussy. Basically this is where most men fall and are your classic AFCs. Also, they usually have poor body language and pecks all the damn time.
What I took away from all this:
- Now I can gauge myself and if I catch myself doing low value things I can fix those behaviors. Over time I've already stopped doing certain things entirely.
- You really do choose you're own value. It's really that simple. You just have train yourself to believe you're a 10 and everything will start falling into place on it's own.
- Giving value to others raises your own. It's counter-intuitive, but think about the AMOG situation. Some guy busts on you for whatever reason. You don't get reactive. It doesn't even register you're so far beyond that low value behavior. Instead you bring up his value. When you do that your value goes up as everyone gauges your behavior against what else is going on at any given time. By not reacting negatively and raising others up, you become the star of the show.
Monday, August 11, 2008
"Quality Time" for LTRs
TV Time, Game Time....it's the same story.
Seems like a lot of married guys, myself included, eventually fall into a similar rut with the wives feeling they don't spend enough time together. A big problem is an unequal view of TV and Game time:
To the woman when they watch TV they're not spending quality time together. To the man sitting there watching TV or playing a game does count as quality time. Part of it is a communication breakdown in what the other expects from the activity, but I think a lot of it comes down to the betaization of guys in long-term relationships (but that's another topic all together). Apparently this is a common situation couples face with the wife not feeling that "togetherness". In some cases they end up cheating, largely because of the betaization of the males in those relationships (again, that's another topic all together).
An example of this dichotomy is when the man watches something the woman isn't interested in and she wanders off or does something to keep herself entertained while still in the same room as the husband and TV. To the guy, he's there, she's there, so it's all good. To the woman she's doing something by herself, despite the proximity. When the woman watches a show the man isn't interested in he typically gets into trouble if he wanders off or does something that takes his attention away because she calls him out on his lack of attention. It goes back to what she felt when she lost interest--that you're basically doing two totally different things, despite the close physical proximity. This goes back to the situation where the wife's perception deems TV time NOT spending time together if she's bored.
The double standard I'm highlighting here is where the betaization subtext kicks in. If you want an activity to count as "quality time" you have to demand her attention, even if she doesn't like whatever it is you're doing. The flip side of this is also true when she wants to watch something you could do without.
You have to set the ground rules for TV and computer/game time for what is and is not "quality time". And you have to stand up for your beliefs. If you don't you'll lose respect and attraction and over time that can have a hand in ending the relationship as TV time and game time is huge in our culture when it comes to what couples do together. Because of this you have to get this aspect of the relationship locked down before it leads to problems down the road.
Seems like a lot of married guys, myself included, eventually fall into a similar rut with the wives feeling they don't spend enough time together. A big problem is an unequal view of TV and Game time:
To the woman when they watch TV they're not spending quality time together. To the man sitting there watching TV or playing a game does count as quality time. Part of it is a communication breakdown in what the other expects from the activity, but I think a lot of it comes down to the betaization of guys in long-term relationships (but that's another topic all together). Apparently this is a common situation couples face with the wife not feeling that "togetherness". In some cases they end up cheating, largely because of the betaization of the males in those relationships (again, that's another topic all together).
An example of this dichotomy is when the man watches something the woman isn't interested in and she wanders off or does something to keep herself entertained while still in the same room as the husband and TV. To the guy, he's there, she's there, so it's all good. To the woman she's doing something by herself, despite the proximity. When the woman watches a show the man isn't interested in he typically gets into trouble if he wanders off or does something that takes his attention away because she calls him out on his lack of attention. It goes back to what she felt when she lost interest--that you're basically doing two totally different things, despite the close physical proximity. This goes back to the situation where the wife's perception deems TV time NOT spending time together if she's bored.
The double standard I'm highlighting here is where the betaization subtext kicks in. If you want an activity to count as "quality time" you have to demand her attention, even if she doesn't like whatever it is you're doing. The flip side of this is also true when she wants to watch something you could do without.
You have to set the ground rules for TV and computer/game time for what is and is not "quality time". And you have to stand up for your beliefs. If you don't you'll lose respect and attraction and over time that can have a hand in ending the relationship as TV time and game time is huge in our culture when it comes to what couples do together. Because of this you have to get this aspect of the relationship locked down before it leads to problems down the road.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)