Friday, July 18, 2008

SOIs, Kino, & Escaping the Friend-Zone

This is commonly given advice for guys who have that special friend they want to get romantic with. One critical thing to remember before even attempting this is that if you fail then you probably won't be friends very much longer. That being said, here are some things you can do to get out of the friend-zone:
  • Put some separation between you and your female friend. Let things cool for a week or three. This helps cool her perception of you as Mr Nice Guy.
  • Preselection. Take her out as a wing so that she can see you have attractive qualities. Furthermore, this gives you the opportunity to build a jealously plotline, which is by far one of the best ways to get a woman to realize she's attracted to a man.
  • Kino, kino, kino. When you hang out again after the break you'll need to break her frame of mind that you're her gal-pal and shoulder to cry on. Kino and preselection are huge aspects of cracking that perception.
  • Statement of Interest/Intent (SOI). By tossing out an SOI you're subtly letting her know you're not interested in just being friends. A common SOI is saying something about her is "sexy". Could be a giggle, her golden glow, whatever works for you. The goal is to drop the neutrality between you and turn up the heat, so to speak.

While it is certainly possible to get out of the friend-zone, as I mentioned before, doing so can be problematic and risky. If you screw it up, or she just isn't interested, then you probably won't be friends for much longer. Chalk it up to creepiness, trust, and awkwardness issues. See my Nice Guy postings for more info.

And a note about kino: If you're not getting physical, sexually, by the 3rd or 4th date you're at risk of landing in the friend-zone. Doubly so if a woman has lots of options. You have got to get physical (kino) as soon as possible.
  • A) It shows you're comfortable touching other people, namely women
  • B) Without a level of physical contact shifting into intimacy will be awkward at best.
How many of you have had a great conversation with a woman where you really connect, but then she's like, "well, I gotta get going" and you feel like a tool for not kissing her? Or worse, you do try to go in for the kiss and it's awkward as hell? That's because you didn't amp up the kino during the course of the interaction. Touch is primarily what gets people to connect.

For more info on how to kino properly I strongly suggest reading Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. It's freely available online as a pdf and is one of the best primers I've seen yet when it comes to kino. Once you get a little more advanced you've got to check out what David Shade has to offer. Absolutely top-notch stuff.

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