Sunday, February 10, 2013

COTWA recommended viewing

This comes courtesy of Community of the Wrongly Accused Free Men

Newbie Guide: Qualification and Disqualification

I've come to the conclusion that Qualification is arguably the most meaningful aspect of Game for men from a Red Pill perspective. The phrase “don’t stick your dick in crazy” is getting popular for a reason, and learning what a woman is all about, if she is a good match for you, is crucial if you ever intend on having long term relationships with women that won’t drive you crazy, or take you to the cleaners. Even short term relationships, flings/one-night stands, can greatly benefit from qualifying women, if for no other reason than your own personal safety. Case in point:

One-night stand man wakes to find lover has carved her name into his arm

Qualification is also key for developing a real relationship since it’s what drives investment levels. Through qualification you can drive up investment from women and also use it to determine her interest level in you. It’s also a very good way of showing you’re interested in her, and for more than just her looks. This goes a long way to deflecting the Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) and Last Minute Resistance (LMR) down the road.

Men with standards have said standards because they're successful with women. In other words they have abundance mentality as opposed to scarcity mentality that most men are faced with. The good news is that you can break free of this causal dynamic by demonstrating standards of your own, and by doing so can actually cause you to be perceived as a man of high status if for no other reason that being discriminating. In a way it’s almost a form of Reflective Preselection (see below). Another way of looking at it is that men that scrape and beg for sex--who lack abundance--cannot afford to qualify women. In other words, “beggars can’t be choosers”. Qualifying women flips this all around and makes you the prize!

Another positive aspect of qualifying women and having standards is that for a woman to be chosen by a man of high standards, it’s flattering to her own ego. The little girl in every woman wants to meet her Prince Charming and be swept off her feet. But more than that, knowing he chose HER, out of all the other women he had available to him, THAT’s powerful stuff. Qualification is best when it’s based on your own personal standards and goals, and the type of women you want to surround yourself with. This begins with establishing goals and setting standards and expectations regarding relationships and behaviors you will and will not tolerate. In short, there are 4 ways of qualifying women:

  • Qualifying statements
  • Small hoops
  • Medium hoops
  • Large hoops

  • Qualifying Statements are statements that frame someone in a positive light. For example, "I love how open-minded and free you are" or "I love how friendly you are". 

    Small hoops are typically yes/no questions. 

    Medium hoops are often follow-on questions to yes/no questions. For example, the small hoop may be "Do you cook?" If she answers yes then you could follow up with "What's your favorite thing to cook and why?" 

    Large hoops are generally open-ended questions that ask for a lot of investment and tend to be deeply personal questions. For example, "how do you know you're in love?" or "what is your #1 sexual fantasy?" 

    I usually start with qualifying statements to get the ball rolling and work from smaller hoops to medium and then larger hoops. If for some reason a woman won't jump through the medium or large hoop I've put in front of her then I'll shrink the hoop. If she complies partially I'll still give her props for complying, but still shrink the hoop or try qualifying her on something else. The point in this is that you never punish a woman for compliance, even if her answer didn't meet your standard or expectation. 

    Managing objections/roadblocks – Disqualification

    Disqualification is a powerful tool for mitigating problems during an interaction, such as disqualifying objections before they are made (creating comfort where a woman would be fearful of walking down a dark alley). Disqualification is also useful for breaking rapport (flirting) and can be used to framing others in a negative light. This is useful for getting others to want to fulfill expectations and getting them to qualify themselves to you. This is why qualification and disqualification used in tandem is so powerful.

    A common roadblock men run into when meeting new people is the woman’s friends arriving in the middle of an interaction. A great way to prevent this from becoming an issue is by asking her who she’s there with. As people arrive you should then introduce yourself and explain you were just talking about them, followed by killing them with kindness. This works just as well for the alpha female of the group, which is the worst case scenario in my opinion, to defusing potential bad situations when a jealous boyfriend appears out of nowhere. Remember, there’s no reason you shouldn’t talk to everyone. Even if they’re not interested, they may have friends that are. You won’t be able to win over every woman, and that’s okay. When you can’t make a woman your girlfriend it’s time to start thinking of ways of making her into a girl…friend.

    Note: An example of Reflective Preselection is taking women with you to a bar or club who aren't interested in you sexually. By having women with you, the women in the venue can be interested in you due to the preselection afforded you by the women you arrived with. Because the women in the venue get interested it can cause the women you arrived with to become interested as well. This phenomenon is a key component of social circle game.

    Tuesday, February 5, 2013

    Newbie Guide: Setting Goals

    It really bothers me sometimes how directionless many guys are these days, particularly those in their early and mid 20s. By your late 20s or early 30s there's really no excuse for not having an answer when I ask you what you're looking for in a relationship, or even if you're interested in traditional relationships in the first place. My point is this:

    How can anyone help you find success in life if you don't know what you want out of it? 

    Don't get me wrong, I was pretty much the same when I was that age, but then again I didn't have the benefit of online blogs, social networking, and all of the wisdom the internet has to offer that it does today. As such, here's my contribution. It works just as well for improving fitness as it does for getting women or earning a degree:

    Setting Goals

    Be specific
    Write down goals in specific detail so you can clearly see what you plan to attain and how to achieve it. State exactly what you want and how you plan to get the results you seek, such as who can help and what training you may require.
    What? What do you want to accomplish (short & long term)? Where? Identify locations & venues you will do the activities.
    When? Establish time frames for short & long term goals. What is your target date? Who? Who can help you reach your goals? Do you seek mentoring, expert advice, or wings to help you in field?

    Establish metrics to track your progress. Keep a documented record of your successful steps toward your goals.
    How many? Do you have a goal of approaching a certain amount of women per day/night/week/month/year?
    How long? Do you have a goal of spending a specific amount of time meeting women?

    Tracking your successes can help encourage you to keep going and give you solid feedback on our efforts and whether something is working or not. The best strategy for sticking to goals is to keep track of your progress on a daily basis by writing it down every day. This very act of writing down activities/steps taken has been shown to improve results and to encourage consistency. It allows you to learn more about your habits, stay accountable to yourself, and keep track of any progress or slips.
    A good record includes the following:
    • Type of activities.
    • How long you spent doing that activities.
    • Intensity of the effort. Did you push your own boundaries or did you play it safe?
    • Comments about any difficulties to help you in problem solving for the future.
    Are the goals reasonable and achievable in the time allotted?

    Staying on track
    Maintaining progress is one of the hardest challenges when trying to make changes to your life, whether it be changing a habit, fitness, or improving your communication skills. Getting started can be difficult, but staying committed is even harder. The key to successfully navigating obstacles to maintaining your progress is to acknowledge slips will happen despite your best efforts to plan for them. The key is to build consistencies and a regular schedule and to get back on that horse as soon as you get thrown off. There are several things you can do to help stay on target:
    1. Keep it meaningful! Continue to remind yourself of the personal benefits you'll get when you achieve your goals. Setting and keeping meaningful goals that are realistic and attainable will increase the likeliness of success. You are much more likely to strive towards a goal you care about and feel close to accomplishing.
    2. Reward yourself! Rewards increase the likelihood that you will do it again. When you reach a metric give yourself a reward. Create rewards for both short-term and long-term goals.
    3. The earlier you catch slips the better. If caught early a slip does NOT have to signal an inevitable downward spiral. Again, slips are inevitable and accepting that and moving on when they happen is the best course of action. The most important thing to do when slips occur is to not let it turn into a string of slips or affect your new habits and collapse your changes in behavior you've been working towards.
    4. Have a plan for dealing with slips. Again, don’t wait to initiate corrective actions. The most important thing is to get back on track as soon as possible. Do NOT wait until Monday or the beginning of the month to "start fresh".
    Learn from the past. You an identify many of these slips from past experience. Think back and identify situations in which you remember having a particularly difficult time sticking to your plan.
    Plan in advance. When you know similar situations are coming (i.e. holidays, family vacations, etc), start planning for how to deal with them in advance. If you wait until you are in the midst of the situation you are not likely to come up with an effective solution. Use the information from past struggles to guide your planning and identify past hurdles that will need to be overcome.

    The measures of success are not whether there are dips in your progress, but whether overall you are progressing in spite of occasional slips.

    Having standards and screening for them
    Once you’ve got an idea of what your goals are the next step is to figure out how to screen for them. An example is if you wanted a woman who could cook, is to ask her if she cooks. If she does, by all means tell her that’s great and add in some kino to punctuate the point. If a woman ever complies with your request but doesn’t live up to your standard, be sure to validate her compliance. Never punish compliance even if it’s not the answer or response you were looking for. Instead either shrink the hoop or qualify her on another topic that’s of interest to you. Don't freak out, I'll be covering Qualification in detail pretty soon.

    Don't Be That Gal: LPS Edition

    Red Pill readers may recognize this. 

    For those who haven't seen it yet, I strongly recommend going through Girlwriteswhat's video series on Legal Paternal Surrender (LPS). Fantastic stuff as far as I'm concerned. FYI, the link in the image is to the first video in her LPS series.

    Newbie Guide: IOIs and IODs

    This is the first entry of my Newbie Guide series where I'll be brain-dumping some foundation level knowledge for guys who've just started learning Game.

    Indicators of Interest and Disinterest 

    When women are interested or disinterested in a guy they’ll give signs to watch for called Indicators of Interest (IOI) and Indicators of Disinterest (IOD). There are verbal and non-verbal IOIs and IODs and may be active or passive. The entire reason to look for these is to understand how intersted or disinterested a woman may be in you. Note: if you see a Gatling gun of IOIs (IOIs in quick succession) it's best to move things forward with a quickness! Don't worry, I'll be posing an article on how to properly kino escalate in no time.

    Active IOI Examples 

    She re-initiates conversations when you stop talking (So….)
    She giggles and/or laughs at your jokes, even if they’re not funny
    She touches you
    She tries to get rapport and build comfort with you
    If eye contact happens from a distance, she holds it for a second
    She holds eye contact for longer periods of time when she speaks with you
    She smiles at you
    While walking by, she turns her body toward you or brushes against you
    She uses a functional opener on you or in any way initiates a conversation
    She interrupts your conversation from nearby or laughs at something you said
    She asks for personal details about you (name, age, job)
    She compliments you
    She is playful and tries to challenge you
    She's punching your arm but laughing
    She plays with her hair while talking to you
    She mentions your girlfriend without knowing if you actually have one
    When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back
    She avoids mentioning her boyfriend
    When she says or does something, she looks at you to see your reaction
    She looks at you from the side, to hide the fact that she's looking
    She introduces you to friends She buys you a drink
    She calls you a player or a heart-breaker
    On her way out, she re-approaches you to tell you that she is leaving (Get her #)
    On your way out, she asks you where you are going (Invite her)
    She invents reasons to be near you, interact with you, or have Isolation with you
    She pushes up her breasts (sexual escalation)

    Passive IOI Examples 

    She stands nearby (proximity)
    Her friends leave and she stays
    She moves to see you and hangs with you for extended periods
    If you move she follows you or waits for you
    She doesn't flinch or pull back if you get close
    When your bodies touch in some way she doesn’t break the contact
    She doesn't resist when you escalate physically (or she gives token resistance to avoid feeling like a slut)

    The most important IOIs to look for are:
    She giggles
    She touches you
    She re-initiates conversation when you stop talking

    A special kind of IOI is an Approach Invitation, which is simply a cue to approach. The most typical approach invitation is a smile with some coy looking away followed by more smiling. However, there are other more subtle Approach Invitations women may give you.

    Typical IODs 

    Closed body language (crossed arms)
    Not facing you
    Lack of interest in a topic; not investing
    Walking away
    Telling you to leave

    Note: When receiving IODs it’s important to mirror her body language and give an equal or slightly less amount of investment yourself so to avoid appearing needy. Do this until she begins to engage in the interaction.


    As a general rule of thumb when you're just starting out, try to remember that when you get IODs the game isn't over until one of the following occurs:

    1. They leave
    2. They tell you to go away

    As your social acuity improves you'll start to recognize the signs when they're not interested and are ignoring you vs just bsing with their friends and generally being social with the group you are now a part of. For the time being though, stay in there until they leave or tell you to go away. Risk creepy and really push your boundaries. It's honestly the best way to learn where the real lines of what's socially acceptable actually reside.

    Sunday, February 3, 2013

    Red Pill Primer

    I happened upon a Reddit thread today asking readers to define certain terms that those in the Red Pill community should be familiar with. Overall I tend to agree with HumanSockPuppet's definitions as they closely align to my own take on things:

    MGTOW consists of men who are abandoning the path prescribed to them by society and feminist agendas: the path that consists of training in their young lives, marrying in their late 20s, working and sacrificing throughout their lives for someone else's benefit, getting divorced, becoming estranged to their children, and eventually dying alone and with no real sense of what their lives were about. 
    MRA consists of men who are actively battling institutionalized and subrosa sexism in our legal and cultural dialogues - sexism which accommodates a lot of the exploitation and abuse described above, and which MGTOW try to avoid. 
    PUA consists of men who, either awakened or in the process of awakening, are learning how to get the sex they need without paying the price demanded to them by a media and culture that has women's interests mainly at heart. It's a community about learning the fundamental principles of what makes a man attractive to women, how to become that kind of man, and a methodical guideline of the various stages of attraction and seduction, culminating in sex. 
    Personally, I think the three groups need to be communicating a lot more than they are.

    Simple, direct, easy to remember. I think he nailed it. The only thing I would add is that PUAs are a subset of MGTOW since they're both groups of men who reject the social expectations to "man up" by doing what's best for women (the feminine imperative). Also, of the MGTOW who don't chase tail, those men are referred to as "going ghost", or "going Galt" in reference to Atlas Shrugged.

    Overall all three camps fall under a larger umbrella of the Men's Movement, of which this blog is a part of. Additionally, all three camps can be thought of as being Red Pill savvy. Online many would refer to Red Pill related blogs as the "manosphere".

    Lastly, I completely agree with his/her's last comment, that we should all be working together and communicating in a more productive manner. We're still a long way off until the misandry bubble bursts, and working at cross-purposes can really hamstring our progress.


    The blog is undergoing some changes over the next couple days to spruce up the design and refine some previous posts. I'll also be categorizing things to help new readers find related content.

    Would You Take Dating Advice From This Woman?
    (it really pains me to link Jezebel)

    Quite frankly she's not an authority on what women respond to. If anything she just sounds butthurt because she doesn't get the attention other women do who she knows are better looking than she is. 

    I sometimes wonder if feminism was really just a jealousy movement to have women that are good looking knocked down a peg to have to work & live life like non-attractive women do by way of removing their looks privilege. Demonizing male sexuality that values female physical attractiveness plays into this in a big way. 

    Start looking at feminists. And I mean really look at them and ask yourself is she hot, was she hot when she was younger, and where do you think she sits on a looks scale? I've seen maybe 2 in my life that were actually really hot. A few were hot in their youth, but when their looks faded then suddenly they "saw the light". Funny they didn't need feminism when they were still young and sexy. Go figure.

    Texting Revisited

    Texting is by far the #1 form of communication these days. On average women speak about 20,000 words a day and men only speak about 7,000 words a day. The same holds true with texting, maybe not those exact numbers, but I can assure you that women text way more than the average guy does. Because they text so much they're typically much more refined and knowing, hence the need to put this info out there.

    The biggest rule of thumb I see guys break is not matching her investment level. Here's two ways to fix this common issue:

    1. Wait roughly the same amount of time to text her back as it took her to text you
    2. Keep your messages about the same length as the text she sends to you

    If she’s taking days to get back to you, and with very short or one-word replies, then you messed up during the interaction and her interest level is very low. Sprucing up your interactions and driving up their investment level before you part ways will fix this.

    Before you even get her number during the interaction I STRONGLY recommend coming up with a nickname of some sort, or in some way link the two of you together. Mnemonics are also good for this purpose. The main reason you do this is to avoid the classic “who is this?” response. You want her to remember you, and more importantly, remember that the two of you had fun and hit it off.

    Keep in mind that a lot is lost when you text, so it shouldn't last long. After your 3rd or 4th text of fluff you should be establishing a date. From that point forward texting is just to set up logistics for the most part. Don't worry though if it takes 8-10 texts to get to this stage at first. You just don't want to become a text-buddy with lots of texting all the time and no real investment of having to meet up at some point. It's basically a digital friend-zone/pen-pal. Also, if you're texting back and forth, to help prevent this digital friend-zone you should just call. If she's texting you right back then she's got her phone in her hand and will probably answer.

    I recommend developing a texting structure that works for you, but remember that people tend to respond in reverse order when communicating digitally. This is equally as important for email, IM, texting, and so on. This is why I recommend leaving them on a high note with something funny or quirky to keep their interest piqued. Doing this gives them something to latch on to, so to speak, to get the ball rolling with them replying to you.

    Handling Flakes

    We all have had it, so here's a couple ways to avoid it from happening:

    Text her around 11am the day you're supposed to go out. Tell her you've got some errands to run after work and may be 15 minutes late and ask her if that's okay. If she's not really interested in going out with you, she'll latch onto this opportunity to back out of the date. While it sucks she may back out, the upside is your time isn't wasted that night.

    Another method for avoiding flakes is to go out and do your normal thing and have her come out to meet you. Tell her to text you when she's on her way to the meeting point. This is great because if she flakes it doesn't matter because you're already out doing your thing, so it's no sweat off your ass and your time isn't wasted.

    h/t Adam Lyons


    Why Men Are Slackers And Women Are Single

    Why Men Are Slackers And Women Are Single

    Crap article, excellent comments. What people don't understand is that men going their own way and dropping out of the system is the equivalent of women getting out of the kitchen, burning bras, etc. It's the 21st century male equivalent of men breaking free of traditional gender roles.