Sunday, February 3, 2013

Texting Revisited

Texting is by far the #1 form of communication these days. On average women speak about 20,000 words a day and men only speak about 7,000 words a day. The same holds true with texting, maybe not those exact numbers, but I can assure you that women text way more than the average guy does. Because they text so much they're typically much more refined and knowing, hence the need to put this info out there.

The biggest rule of thumb I see guys break is not matching her investment level. Here's two ways to fix this common issue:

1. Wait roughly the same amount of time to text her back as it took her to text you
2. Keep your messages about the same length as the text she sends to you

If she’s taking days to get back to you, and with very short or one-word replies, then you messed up during the interaction and her interest level is very low. Sprucing up your interactions and driving up their investment level before you part ways will fix this.

Before you even get her number during the interaction I STRONGLY recommend coming up with a nickname of some sort, or in some way link the two of you together. Mnemonics are also good for this purpose. The main reason you do this is to avoid the classic “who is this?” response. You want her to remember you, and more importantly, remember that the two of you had fun and hit it off.

Keep in mind that a lot is lost when you text, so it shouldn't last long. After your 3rd or 4th text of fluff you should be establishing a date. From that point forward texting is just to set up logistics for the most part. Don't worry though if it takes 8-10 texts to get to this stage at first. You just don't want to become a text-buddy with lots of texting all the time and no real investment of having to meet up at some point. It's basically a digital friend-zone/pen-pal. Also, if you're texting back and forth, to help prevent this digital friend-zone you should just call. If she's texting you right back then she's got her phone in her hand and will probably answer.

I recommend developing a texting structure that works for you, but remember that people tend to respond in reverse order when communicating digitally. This is equally as important for email, IM, texting, and so on. This is why I recommend leaving them on a high note with something funny or quirky to keep their interest piqued. Doing this gives them something to latch on to, so to speak, to get the ball rolling with them replying to you.

Handling Flakes

We all have had it, so here's a couple ways to avoid it from happening:

Text her around 11am the day you're supposed to go out. Tell her you've got some errands to run after work and may be 15 minutes late and ask her if that's okay. If she's not really interested in going out with you, she'll latch onto this opportunity to back out of the date. While it sucks she may back out, the upside is your time isn't wasted that night.

Another method for avoiding flakes is to go out and do your normal thing and have her come out to meet you. Tell her to text you when she's on her way to the meeting point. This is great because if she flakes it doesn't matter because you're already out doing your thing, so it's no sweat off your ass and your time isn't wasted.

h/t Adam Lyons


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