Monday, August 11, 2008

"Quality Time" for LTRs

TV Time, Game's the same story.

Seems like a lot of married guys, myself included, eventually fall into a similar rut with the wives feeling they don't spend enough time together. A big problem is an unequal view of TV and Game time:

To the woman when they watch TV they're not spending quality time together. To the man sitting there watching TV or playing a game does count as quality time. Part of it is a communication breakdown in what the other expects from the activity, but I think a lot of it comes down to the betaization of guys in long-term relationships (but that's another topic all together). Apparently this is a common situation couples face with the wife not feeling that "togetherness". In some cases they end up cheating, largely because of the betaization of the males in those relationships (again, that's another topic all together).

An example of this dichotomy is when the man watches something the woman isn't interested in and she wanders off or does something to keep herself entertained while still in the same room as the husband and TV. To the guy, he's there, she's there, so it's all good. To the woman she's doing something by herself, despite the proximity. When the woman watches a show the man isn't interested in he typically gets into trouble if he wanders off or does something that takes his attention away because she calls him out on his lack of attention. It goes back to what she felt when she lost interest--that you're basically doing two totally different things, despite the close physical proximity. This goes back to the situation where the wife's perception deems TV time NOT spending time together if she's bored.

The double standard I'm highlighting here is where the betaization subtext kicks in. If you want an activity to count as "quality time" you have to demand her attention, even if she doesn't like whatever it is you're doing. The flip side of this is also true when she wants to watch something you could do without.

You have to set the ground rules for TV and computer/game time for what is and is not "quality time". And you have to stand up for your beliefs. If you don't you'll lose respect and attraction and over time that can have a hand in ending the relationship as TV time and game time is huge in our culture when it comes to what couples do together. Because of this you have to get this aspect of the relationship locked down before it leads to problems down the road.

1 comment:

Deline said...

The solution is so very simple... turn that fucking TV off!!

You see your wife or live in girlfriend day in and day out, and it's irritating to keep talking up the same topics. In fact, usually when you arrive back home from a long day at work all you want to do is zone out on the TV and just chill the mind.

That's understandable. That being said, it doesn't count if you haven't chased your wife around the dinning room table a couple times.

You have to get creative.. sometimes STOMP into your house, kick the door open and yell "WOMAN!!!", other times sneak in and surprise her (uh careful if you own weapons, probably not a good idea to surpise a woman that knows how to use a gun).

If you don't have the discipline to turn off the TV for a while and engage your wife/gf, then don't turn it on to begin with until you both spent sometime PLAYING.

Routines, turn into ruts, that turn into resentments... and once your at resentment.. you're in big trouble. So, the best think to get her off your back when you want to play GTA4 or watch the Sports channel... is to first engage her hardcore, connect with her, and then go off on your own.

Don't zone out before you teased your woman a bit. Hell, you married guys might actually get some if you do it right. :P