Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Secret of Alpha: Comfort and Being Unaffected

Learning pickup is not the magic bullet many people think it is. Far too often I see guys get into the community with the hopes of learning some secret lines that will make women's panties drop. Sorry guys, but that's not how things work. When meeting and attracting beautiful women all the lines in the world will do you no good if you aren't comfortable in your own skin. When most guys approach women they do so like a chump. The qualities they evoke often put women off even from across the room and by the time the man finally makes his approach he's nervous, has poor body language, etc. We all know the drill because we've all been there at one time. The reason this puts women off is because it makes them uncomfortable, not because they're being approached but because YOU are uncomfortable. You read that right: YOUR comfort levels directly impact the emotional state of the women you hit on. Once you understand this, and can subcommunicate your own comfort, then women will be very receptive to you interacting with them. 

Generally speaking, there are two stages of social interaction when you're out at a club or bar. The first stage is where value is displayed. Because female value is largely physical, it's plain as day if they are high value or not. Men are not that lucky. We have to show we have value to trade by how we carry ourselves, dress, and interact with others. The second stage is where men and women subtly exchange value, if a trade will take place at all. And this is what most people seem to miss out on. You cannot trade value if the woman doesn't recognize the value you have to offer. You'll come off as a valueless chump that just wants to get into her panties. To break from this dynamic you have to subcommunicate your value as a man. How you do that is beyond the scope of this posting, so for now lets just focus on the approach. 

If a man walks up to a beautiful woman who gets hit on all the time, he's already got his work cut out for him. She's probably been hit on thousands of times and is used to the vast majority being AFCs with weak game. So before you can even begin to exchange value you have to demonstrate you have value to begin with. This starts from the moment you walk into the venue. You should walk in looking confident, self assure, and having a good time. Smiling is an immensely useful tool everyone has in their toolbox, so USE IT! 

When you do make an approach, if you are nervous and feeling awkward then the woman will pick up on that and feel it as well. It doesn't matter what stage or phase you're in. If you get nervous she'll pick up on it and you risk her souring to the interaction. I never understood what it was like for women until I finally crossed the threshhold into  not being affected by external sources, such as a woman's physical beauty. What happens now when I'm with an HB is her comfort level will often mirror mine and vice versa. What's also new is that women sometimes turn into the AFC I once was. And this is key: when she's nervous like most AFCs are when they approach I can feel her discomfort, the sudden stiffness of their body, darting eyes, increased breath rate, looking uncomfortable, etc. This isn't because she doesn't like you, it's because she does like you and you just flipped the script into her being the AFC! This is why why being comfortable and chill when you interact with women is so important and why not being affected is so critical. If you get spooked when she goes into AFC mode you'll likely lose her. You need to remain unaffected and essentially let her borrow some of your chill vibe so she can mellow out again. It's all about comfort, not being affected (by her beauty or emotional state), and demonstrating that you are solid as a rock and won't freak out on her. 

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