Nice Guys Part 3

Saw this posted on one of the community forums. It's a great example of why men with choice are attractive to women and ties in nicely with my Prince Charming Theory (coming soon).

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Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?

Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last

Learning: Rules of Thumb

The path to learning, as we all know, can have pitfalls, bursts of insight, and other changes in pace or barriers to enlightenment. When learning the structure, theories, and concepts of social dynamics, pickup, or whatever you want to call it, one of the biggest things to watch out for when you're first starting out is trying to learn everything all at once before getting out into the field and experiencing things for yourself. There are many reasons for this, but those don't really matter. What's important is to realize that doing so can actually harm your progression. Sadly it's pretty common to get information overload. My advice for those experiencing this or wish to avoid it is to work on things in smaller bites. For example, if you're trying to juggle all of the information you're being exposed to and master it as you go, it's not really an achievable goal. Instead, trying to stick with focusing on a couple of things until you've internalized those aspects and they start happening automatically for you. Then add some new bits to your repertoire and rinse & repeat. What happens now for me is that I'll be talking and I'll just notice things and when that happens I either react autonomously, or I'll have to think up something on the fly to respond appropriately instead of how I would have in the past.

There is a Friedrich Nietzsche quote that comes to mind:

Quote:

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.

In other words even if you don't get the girl you haven't failed, you just learned something new is all.


In the community there's an unwritten rule that says don't ever think of a lost set as failing. Instead, think of it as a learning opportunity. It's a pretty basic reframe of the situation so that you can look at it from a different perspective and learn something from the encounter. And when you reflect on the situation, don't focus on the negatives too much because mentally replaying the situation will train your mind to repeat what you did wrong. Instead, focus on what you did right, as well as what you'll do differently next time. That doesn't mean what you change will be any better of course, but you don't fall into the trap of repeating past mistakes. Bottom line: Focus on changing the bad and repeating the good.


On a related note, here is some rules of thumb by DMC87:

1) Choosing a method and sticking to it.

If you are anything like me I would read all the methods, all the forums and take on-board all the advice. The problem was it caused a never ending loop of information overload. I had a head full of advice often completely contradictory and I'd always be working on trying a new idea out everyweek when I was still having trouble opening and getting attraction completely.

2) Get a stack

Seriously you need a good stack that would complete the attraction stage, again this is regardless of method. Create an MM or GTG stack because it alleviates 90% of approach anxiety when you know what you're doing, all I have to do is say Yo, what's up! and I'm in. It also helps you sort out where mistakes are and contingencies. Even if you are natural have something like "Hi, my name is..."

3) Know how to handle contingencies and interrupts.

I roll with two naturals and an MM gamer and none of them can handle interrupts of shit tests well. They can lose the set because of this and it's very silly. The best resource for this I find to be GTG book because it is just all there and relevant.

4) Expand your comfort zone.

I started going out in-field in June 07, I spent the first 9 months opening and ejecting, and I needed to, my comfort zone was so small that it made me feel good just to talk to a woman back then. I also dramatically changed my look in that time. Realise that if you aren't pushing yourself you won't get results but if you push yourself a little even if it takes a full year, you will grow.

5) Have set days

You need to set days or times to go out when you are not allowed to stay home. These are sarge night, no excuses, no I feel tired or out of state. These are full on hardcore 90% of time in set nights and you don't take AFC friends who you'll end up talking to all night.

6) Self-correct and evaluate.

Never getting past attraction? Why? Read the appropriate resource, study it, seriously make notes on it. It's amazing what you will miss on a simple read through. Always work out why attraction died, or comfort failed. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, but make sure that it's not on your part. This is best done in FR's or when you get home. NOT THE NEXT DAY

7) Don't overbrowse resources

Once you've picked your resource don't read every technique or forum because you'll get sucked into other peoples thinking style and question what you are doing. Remember once you get your basic game down you can start adding in new pieces.

Expect a period of failing before you get good.

http://www.mehowgetthegirl.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5823&sid=6dcd4a18aa714d461f34f8911df4924f

Plowing, kino, and BT spikes

These are all you really need for one night stands and/or same night lays.

Plowing through shit tests, however you manage, is pretty damn important. Act as though nothing matters, be unaffected if things don't work out. And push past YOUR limits. Most times I'm out and things falter it's my fault because I held back, and after a year in the community I've found it's a pretty common problem. Our success AND failures are usually a result of our own self-imposed limits. Chalk it up to being timid and a mix of social programming I guess. That said, it doesn't really matter where this stems from because it's time to change.

Kino is HUGE when it comes to building attraction and a sexual vibe. Check out Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. I highly recommend it, plus it's free online. That being said, it's really not all that important to follow the ladder specifically if you're after a quick romp in the sack. Just plow and throw around some dominant kino. This is the secret ingredient of naturals the world over. They don't moderate themselves when they get touchy with women, which is something women usually repsond favorably to from an emotionally and sexual standpoint.

Lastly, BT spikes. Cocky/Funny is clutch. Be bold, both with words and your kino. Check out Decibel's PUA Field Guide (link is on the right). In it there will be a section on ONS/SNL and the related kino needed to make them happen.


Plowing past your normal limiting beliefs or how far you're willing to push things is what we need to do if we want to see changes. Rarely I've found people go too far naturally on their own, unless of course they're calibrating or drunk. Again, BE BOLD! Push your sets as far as you can, usually way beyond what you'd normally be comfortable with. If things blow up in your face a bunch of times that's when you can dial it back a bit. Not too much, just a bit. Rinse, repeat. That's the fastest way to get calibrated that I've found.

Nice Guys Part 2

Found this on the pickuppodcast.com forums:

This is a repost off the myspace dating forums.

This girl is a really cute 18 year old girl from dallas. Holy shit she is super honest and spot on. Guys, this will blow your minds if you haven't realized this already.

Not to mention that a year ago this wouldn't resonate so much with me......


Cute Girl says:

I like nice guys; that's not the problem. I just met you and you are telling me how much you want to date me and asking for my phone number and I am probably not ready. You just come on too strong and too fast. You come across as desperate by telling me how special and beautiful I am, you tell me you LOVE ME SOOO MUCH, that you will always treat me right, how I'm the one you have always been looking for, how good you will treat me, and all that rubbish.

I'd rather a guy try to get into my pants. If only you would just give me a little time and space, but NOOO you have to LOVE me. So I choose the good looking bad boys. You can slap their face and they just smile. At least with the bad boys, if and when I decide I'm not interested, they don't give a hoot. I'm not going to hurt them.

Like most girls, I’m a companionate person; I don’t wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don’t want to date you anymore, you are going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in your face, your expression, and body language. You try to get me back, you mope and complain, you point out all the things you have given me, and tell me how badly I’m treating you, or maybe even talk about suicide.

I don't want to deal with any of that crap, let alone most of it. If you give me the slightest indication you are going to be that way, that's it; I'm not having anything to do with. If you act like that, I don’t think you are a nice guys at all, I think you are a selfish clingy bastard posing as nice guys just to get me, the girl. You don’t care about me; if you did, you would be happy for me when I wanted to go because that would be what I wanted. But, no you are selfish and want me to stay and love you even though that is not what I want.

When you want to go bowling with one of your guy friends and he tells you he has a date and can’t go, you would like for him to go but you don’t get miffed or get your feelings hurt. It's hard for me to tell you what you don't want to hear when I know you are so enthused and you will be SOOO disappointed. If you would give me the same considerations you give your guy friends and not be offended and get your feeling hurt, I might go out with you.