SOIs, Kino, & Escaping the Friend-Zone

This is commonly given advice for guys who have that special friend they want to get romantic with. One critical thing to remember before even attempting this is that if you fail then you probably won't be friends very much longer. That being said, here are some things you can do to get out of the friend-zone:

• Put some separation between you and your female friend. Let things cool for a week or three. This helps cool her perception of you as Mr Nice Guy.
• Preselection. Take her out as a wing so that she can see you have attractive qualities. Furthermore, this gives you the opportunity to build a jealously plotline, which is by far one of the best ways to get a woman to realize she's attracted to a man.
• Kino, kino, kino. When you hang out again after the break you'll need to break her frame of mind that you're her gal-pal and shoulder to cry on. Kino and preselection are huge aspects of cracking that perception.
• Statement of Interest/Intent (SOI). By tossing out an SOI you're subtly letting her know you're not interested in just being friends. A common SOI is saying something about her is "sexy". Could be a giggle, her golden glow, whatever works for you. The goal is to drop the neutrality between you and turn up the heat, so to speak.

While it is certainly possible to get out of the friend-zone, as I mentioned before, doing so can be problematic and risky. If you screw it up, or she just isn't interested, then you probably won't be friends for much longer. Chalk it up to creepiness, trust, and awkwardness issues. See my Nice Guy postings for more info.


And a note about kino: If you're not getting physical, sexually, by the 3rd or 4th date you're at risk of landing in the friend-zone. Doubly so if a woman has lots of options. You have got to get physical (kino) as soon as possible.

• A) It shows you're comfortable touching other people, namely women
• B) Without a level of physical contact shifting into intimacy will be awkward at best.

How many of you have had a great conversation with a woman where you really connect, but then she's like, "well, I gotta get going" and you feel like a tool for not kissing her? Or worse, you do try to go in for the kiss and it's awkward as hell? That's because you didn't amp up the kino during the course of the interaction. Touch is primarily what gets people to connect.

For more info on how to kino properly I strongly suggest reading Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. It's freely available online as a pdf and is one of the best primers I've seen yet when it comes to kino. Once you get a little more advanced you've got to check out what David Shade has to offer. Absolutely top-notch stuff.

Competence vs. Confidence

To quote Neil Strauss:

Quote:

The two biggest clichés of dating advice are: Just Be Yourself and Be Confident. That’s a load of bullshit: You shouldn’t be yourself, you should be your best self. As for being confident, it’s impossible to just be confident because someone tells you to. This is impossible without success. Success breeds confidence. So you need to learn to have success... Here’s pickup broken down to its most basic formula: Be interesting and interested... be confident and competent.

Something Mystery once said still sticks with me that really brings to light that having confidence isn't everything. When it comes down to it which would you prefer to have: confidence or competence....when riding a motorcycle. As you can see confidence alone can get you killed if you don't know what you're doing. Competence can get you from point A to point B safely and on time. That is why competence wins out over confidence any day of the week in my book and it applies just the same to relationships and social interaction as it does with riding a bike.

Boyfriend Objections

Boyfriend Objections are the automatic responses women throw out if you telegraph too much interest or move too fast. Sometimes the boyfriend is real, other times they are not. As a rule of thumb treat the bf objection as a shit test. Basically when that happens it's just a test to see if you've got the stones to keep pushing. If he's real, she will definitely bring it up again and you can adjust your game accordingly, or stop gaming her and shift into making a pivot/pawn. If not, then you've just won points for being alpha enough to not let other men in her life bother you.

Simple ways of passing this test is to dismiss her comment, shift into a BT spike, or misinterpret her intent. Here are a few examples:

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: That's cute.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Me too! I taught mine to do back flips. What did you teach yours?
Her: Uh, nothing?
You: Bah! You're a terrible trainer.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Geez lady, I've known you all of 30 seconds and you're already telling me your life's problems.

Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Whoa! Slow down there missy. You don't have to impress me with how "in demand" you are. I can decide for myself if you're interesting enough to date.

When you toss out one of this responses immediately move on to another subject. Poof! No more talk of a boyfriend. However, expect another mention later on if he is in fact real. Dealing with that however is another thing altogether.

Memorize a few and just keep them in the back of your mind for the next time a woman mentions a boyfriend in conversation.


And remember, "women are like monkeys." When I say women are like monkeys it's in the Tarzan sense of swinging from tree to tree. They don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. Women are the same way with boyfriends & relationships. That's essentially Rule #1 why high quality women are so rarely single for any length of time.

Not wanting to go after a woman in a relationship, IMO, really comes down to being a limiting belief. Case in point: 50-60% of marriages fail in this country. Simple bf/gf relationships fail even more. Since women are rarely single for any length of time that means they're typically going directly from one man to the next. Once you face this reality then you can use it to your advantage. What it comes right down to, in all honesty, is that if boyfriends mattered so much women wouldn't give their numbers out to some certain types of men and tell others they're seeing someone (or in some cases turn out to be married!). Many women are on the lookout for the next best thing for a variety of reasons. If you're not that guy then someone else will be, and I see no reason why that guy can't by YOU!

To quote Decibel, a highly regarded member of the social arts community:

Make girls happy, that's your job. Take that girl out of her unhappy relationship and show her a better time. She'll thank you for it. She's not going to break up with her current BF for many reasons including: girls like sex and won't give it up needlessly; girls like having someone to hang out with and will overlook other problems in him but are constantly watching for better options; breaking up takes a bunch of emotional effort that many people avoid until something else is lined up.

I personally would get yourself past the boyfriend/girlfriend hurdle and keep gaming these 'unavailable' girls. It many times is just a fling that's gone on too long, and many of these chicks are more than happy to jump ship when a [high quality] guy...comes along.

....

You can't "steal" a girl, as ballsy as it sounds. She makes her mind up to go with the higher value man. All you can do is present a better option.

As far the ethics of it, there aren't any. All girls are fair game. You make your own rules about what's off limits, and then go from there. I hit on girls in front of their BFs all the time. I usually ask her if it's ok for me to do it. It's his problem, not mine.

Bottom line, there is no reason to wait or hold back from pursuing a woman you're interested in.

Prince Charming Theory

Women are raised from a young age to think relationships and their romantic life will be like a Disney cartoon. From the time they're little girls they expect Prince Charming will come along at some point and sweep them off their feet. Well, the world doesn't work that way. That being said, there's no reason you can't be a woman's Prince Charming. However, you must first understand that who he truly was isn't what most people would expect. The truth is actually something that goes against the grain of most Disneyesque ideals of romantic love and chivalry.

The Prince Charming Theory is a combination of essentially two factors:

Preselection - An evolutionary shortcut, or tool, humans developed to determine from afar if a person is high value. If others look upon someone favorably we are typically draw to them and/or wonder what makes them valuable. In females this wonder sparks preliminary attraction. The effect of preselection, like having women crawling all over you, makes it a hell of a lot easier to open up other women later on. In some cases women will begin to open you!

Perceived Value - This is when a high value male chooses a woman. The effect this has on women is at the heart of the Prince Charming Theory: When a high value male with lots of choice regarding sexual/relationship partners chooses a particular woman then she is perceived as the female with the most value of any of those he could choose from. This makes a woman feel special and has the benefit of making her value, cherish, and respect the relationship so much more than if she merely chose the man. This is intrinsically different from the traditional paradigm of women choosing men and is why women will often chase a man, or otherwise tolerate abuse or otherwise bad treatment, by men that seem disinterested or that have 3 other women on speed dial.

I don't generally agree with Disneyesque ideals of romance, or any relationship advice given by mainstream media as it's usually terrible and chock full of social programming. But when it comes to Prince Charming, he was the ultimate version of what men should strive to be if they want control over their relationships and want women to chase him. He was preselected, had options, and he chose the women he wished to interact with. Furthermore, those women who he chose felt special because he chose them. That's the secret sauce of Prince Charming Theory.

When you reach that point it's important to note that qualifying women is integral to keeping them. If not, they will have worthiness issues.